PORTLAND 
OREGON 
A.  D.  1999 

AND  OTHER  SKETCHES 


By 

JEFF-W-HAYES 


w 

V/3 


PORTLAND,  OREGON 
A.  D.  1999 

AND  OTHER  SKETCHES 


5y  JEFF  W.  HAYES 

AUTHOR  OF 

"TALES  OF  THE  SIERRAS" 

"LOOKING  BACKWARD  AT  PORTLAND" 

ETC. 


PUBLISHERS  : 

F.  W.  BALTES  AND  COMPANY 

PORTLAND,  OREGON 

1913 


COPYRIGHTED  1913 


All  rights  reserved 


CJUHPTOH  ACCESSION 
BBAgY 


TO  THE  CITIZENS  OF  PORTLAND 

AND  TO  THE  DEAR  FRIENDS  OF  MY   EARLIER    LIFE 

THIS  VOLUME  IS  LOVINGLY 

DEDICATED 


CONTENTS 

PART  I. 

Page 

Chapter  1,  The  Visitor 1 

Chapter  2,  The  Prophecy 4 

Chapter  3,  More  Startling  Prophecies 15 

Chapter  4,  Old  Names  Revived 21 

Chapter  5,  Prophetess  Grows  Jocose 28 

Chapter  6    30 

Chapter  7,  More  Denouements 31 

Chapter  8,  Politics  Discussed  33 

Chapter  9,  Strange  Occurrences    35 


PART  II. 

The  Bad  Man  From  Bodie 43 

He  Never  Came  Back 51 

Where  Did  You  Get  That  Oil 55 

A  Grapevine  Telegraph  Line 59 

Along  the  Shore 63 

Showing  Off 67 

"Knifin'  de  Dough" 71 

A  Musical  Aborigine 75 

"The  Gentleman  of  Havre" 77 

On  the  Wing 79 

He  Knew  a  Good  Thing 83 

Inadequate  Cuspidors 87 

No  Jobs,  But  Vacancies 89 

Phenomenal  Telegraphing  91 

His  Old  Kentucky  Home 95 

The  Office  at  Spirit  Lake 97 

The  Indians  Were  Too  Loyal 99 

A  Governor  for  Fifteen  Minutes  Took  the  Bull  by 

the  Horns   101 

The  Seven  Mounds 105 

When  Gold  Grew  on  Sage  Brush Ill 


PREFACE 

IN  introducing  my  little  romance  to  the 
public,  I  do  so  with  little  misgivings  or 
apologies. 

The  close  observer  will  agree  that  the 
changes  that  are  anticipated — here  related 
as  established  facts — are  merely  the  signs  of 
the  times,  and  that  not  one-half  of  the  story 
is  told. 

One  might  wish  to  be  a  living  witness 
of  the  great  projects  occurring  A.D.  1999, 
and  may  possibly  resent  that  he  was  not 
born  later  on  in  the  cycles  of  Time,  but  if 
his  heart  is  in  the  right  place  he  can  realize 
that  there  is  nothing  lost,  and  his  soul  goes 
marching  onward  and  upward  in  its  eternal 
flight. 

"Oh,  sometimes  gleams  upon  our  sight 
Thro*  Present  wrong,  the  eternal  right; 
A  nd  step  by  step,  since  time  began, 
We  see  the  steady  gain  of  Man. " 


PART  I. 
PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.D.   1999 


PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.D.  1999 

CHAPTER  I. 

THE  VISITOR. 

"Thro'  the  harsh  noises  of  our  day, 
A  low  sweet  prelude  finds  its  way, 
Thro'  cloud  of  Doubt  and  creeds  of  Fear 
A  Light  is  breaking  calm  and  clear" 

MY  caller  was  a  queer  little  old  woman.  Her 
figure,  however,  was  erect,  her  eyes  bright  and 
her  voice  low,  soft  and  firm.  She  was  becom- 
ingly dressed,  in  what  might  appear  to  be  a  Quaker  garb, 
and  a  look  of  rare  intelligence  radiated  her  countenance. 

In  a  deep,  sweet  voice,  she  began : 

"I  was  born  in  the  year  of  our  Lord,  1828,  and  am, 
consequently,  in  my  86th  year.  I  have  lived  a  long  time, 
but  when  I  glance  backward,  it  seems  but  yesterday  that 
I  nestled  in  my  mother's  arms.  I  was  born  in  Virginia  in 
the  year  Andrew  Jackson  was  elected  President  and  my 
parents  took  me  to  Washington  on  the  day  of  his  in- 
auguration. We  traveled  in  our  own  vehicle,  drawn  by 
two  dapple  grey  horses,  and  we  had  several  neighbors  as 
companions  each  having  a  conveyance  of  their  own. 

"Schools  were  unknown  in  our  neighborhood  and  my 
early  education  was  derived  from  my  parents,  principally, 
assisted  by  a  maiden  aunt,  who  spent  each  summer  at  our 
plantation. 

"My  clothes  were  cut  out,  fitted  and  made  by  my  aunt, 
and  my  hats  lacked  any  feather  trimmings  or  other  finery. 
The  material  of  my  dresses  was  generally  of  a  slate  color, 
and  but  few  other  shades  were  affected.  All  of  our 


PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 


neighbors  dressed  in  the  same  way,  without  any  affecta- 
tion of  style  whatsoever.  But  enough  of  this. 

"The  musical  instruments  of  that  day  were  the  me- 
lodeon,  harp  and  violin.  There  were  very  few  of  even 
these,  and  were  confined,  the  melodeon  to  the  village 
church,  the  violin  to  our  darkey's  cabins. 

"We  read  by  a  tallow  dip  during  the  winter  nights,  but 
there  was  not  very  much  to  read,  our  library  consisting  of 
the  family  Bible,  Bunyan's  Pilgrims  Progress,  together 
with  a  weekly  paper  published  in  Philadelphia,  that  had 
originally  been  started  by  Benjamin  Franklin. 

"It  was  in  the  year  1850  that  my  people  began  talking 
of  going  West,  and  tried  to  glean  all  the  informaiton  they 
could  concerning  the  country  they  selected,  the  best  means 
of  getting  there  and  the  prospects  for  disposing  of  our 
plantation.  It  took  us  three  years  to  finish  all  of  our 
preparations,  and  on  April  18th,  1853,  our  caravan 
started  on  the  trail  leading  Westward. 

"I  was  26  years  old,  and  at  a  time  of  life  when  I  could 
thoroughly  enjoy  the  ever  varying  changes  of  climate  and 
scenery. 

"We  found  the  Indians  very  friendly,  even  to  kindness, 
and  we  bestowed  on  them  many  cheap  trinkets  in  return 
for  food  and  skins,  of  which  they  possessed  a  variety. 

"We  made  many  stops  on  the  way  as  we  reached  the 
then  frontier  settlements,  now  large  and  prosperous  cities, 
and  it  was  not  until  we  had  crossed  the  Missouri  river, 
near  Omaha,  that  we  began  anticipating  trouble  from  the 
Indians.  We  experienced  the  usual  hardships  and  vicis- 
situdes from  this  cause,  nothing  unusual  in  those  times, 
and  arrived  in  the  then  little  city  of  Portland,  March  19th, 
1854. 


THE  VISITOR 


"I  startled  our  little  party,  on  our  arrival  in  Portland, 
by  announcing  that  the  next  time  I  crossed  the  Continent 
it  would  be  on  the  steam  cars. 

"Long  and  loudly  was  I  laughed  at  for  my  optimism, 
and  it  did  really  seem  impossible  for  a  locomotive  to  be 
capable  of  climbing  those  seemingly  inaccessible  peaks. 

"Had  I  prophesied  all  that  was  in  my  mind,  my  friends 
might  have  thought  that  I  was  deranged.  I  could  have 
said  that  I  could  see  people  flying  through  the  air  in 
vehicles  shaped  like  birds  from  the  Atlantic  to  the  Pacific 
and  that  the  almost  impenetrable  forests  of  Oregon  would 
one  day  be  entirely  laid  low  by  the  woodman's  axe. 

"There  were  many  other  things  which  I  could  see 
were  bound  to  come  but  I  thought  it  wisest  to  keep  the 
light  of  my  prophecies  to  myself  rather  than  give  them 
to  unheeding  ears. 

"What  I  saw  in  those  days,  however,  will  not  compare 
to  the  marvels  which  come  to  me  now,  at  my  advanced 
age. 

"I  have  given  a  receptive  ear  to  the  spirit  which  tells  me 
what  others  would  pronounce  'queer  notions/  but  which 
I  declare  to  be  scientifically  natural.  I  will  tell  you  of  all 
these  things  and  you  may  publish  them  to  the  world,  and 
allow  them  to  be  a  judge  of  my  optimistic  views.  I  will 
tell  you  what  I  see  and  also  of  what  I  know  is  sure  to 
come,  so  that  all  who  read  may  know  and  understand, 
and  put  themselves  in  readiness  for  the  great  events  which 
are  bound  to  ensue  by  A.  D.  1999." 

The  old  lady  then,  her  eyes  beaming  with  intelligence 
and  in  the  most  natural  and  unassumed  manner,  voiced 
the  following  prophecies: 


CHAPTER  II. 

THE  PROPHECY. 

TAKING  a  note  book  from  her  bag,  and  adjust- 
ing her  spectacles,  the  old  lady  began  her  re- 
markable relation  of  events  to  come  ere  the 
21st  century  shall  have  rolled  around: 

"Of  course,"  she  began,  "I  may  not  be  able  to  tell  you 
all  that  is  in  store  for  future  generations,  but  I  will 
say  enough  to  interest  everybody  and  to  warn  every- 
body who  will  care  to  heed  my  admonitions. 

"The  era  of  quick  transit  has  already  arrived  and  peo- 
ple love  to  travel  fast,  and  opportunity  will  be  given  all 
who  care  to  adopt  this  pastime.  Very  soon  the  locomotive 
and  trolley  car  will  be  altogether  too  slow  for  travel 
and  aerial  voyages,  both  for  pleasure  and  business  will 
ensue.  The  force  used  for  this  purpose  will  be  varied 
and  may  be  electricity,  gasoline,  compressed  air,  or  per- 
haps still  another  potent  agent,  at  present  undeveloped, 
which  will  usurp  the  place  of  all  others,  be  cheaper,  safer 
and  more  reliable  than  any  known  energy.  The  cars  will 
be  made  entirely  of  steel  bands  and  so  constructed  that 
but  little  damage  may  be  apprehended  from  a  collision 
with  another  flying  machine.  A  parachute,  arranged  to 
work  automatically  will  be  the  chief  protector  of  this 
winged  machine  and  this  part  of  the  apparatus  will  be  so 
constructed  as  to  render  an  accident  almost  an  impos- 
sibility. Indeed,  these  carriers  will  be  so  made  that  a 
party  soaring  in  the  air  at  a  height  of  500  feet  will  look 
down  and  express  a  feeling  of  sympathy  for  those  who 
must  brave  the  dangers  besetting  life  on  the  surface  of 
this  mundane  sphere. 


THE  PROPHECY 


"These  air  carriers  will  be  simple,  and  a  good  bright 
boy  can  manufacture  his  own  vehicle  to  take  him  to  and 
from  school  and  at  a  less  expense  per  day  than  is  now 
paid  for  street  car  fare,  and  at  a  lesser  risk  to  life  and 
limb.  The  grocer  will  make  his  deliveries  by  his  air  ma- 
chine. The  butcher  boy  will  abandon  his  automobile  and 
bring  his  meat  deliveries  by  the  way  the  bird  flies.  As 
there  can  be  no  tracks  laid  in  the  air,  no  one  will  be 
pestering  the  City  Commission  for  a  franchise  to  run  his 
company's  cars  over  a  certain  strata  of  air,  but  there 
will  be  cars  for  hire,  just  the  same,  and  there  will  be,  no 
doubt,  long  trains  operated  in  the  air  not  much  unlike  the 
system  at  present  in  vogue  on  the  surface.  The  death 
dealing  automobile  will  be  a  thing  of  the  past  and  even 
the  merry  motor  cycle  will  have  gone  the  way  of  the 
equine.  Railroads  and  railroad  stocks  will  suffer  and  the 
roads  will  languish  and  die.  Aerial  locomotion  will  usurp 
the  place  of  the  steamer  and  the  steamship,  since  it  will 
be  proven  to  be  quicker,  safer  and  less  expensive.  Country 
homes  will  be  easy  of  access  and,  consequently,  more 
popular  and  the  suburbs  will  be  peopled  by  an  ever  in- 
creasing number.  There  is  no  end  to  the  advantages 
which  the  flying  machine  possesses  over  the  present 
modes  of  locomotion  and  it  is  merely  a  question  of  solv- 
ing the  problem  of  entire  safety,  economy  and  simplicity 
of  construction  and  operation,  all  of  which  will  have 
been  surmounted  in  A.  D.  1999. 

"Although  the  aerial  navigation  is  itself  an  important 
feature  of  future  progress,  it  is  not  at  all  the  most  prom- 
inent of  innovations.  I  will  tell  you  of  the  new  era  of 
building. 


PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 


"Portland  in  1913  was  considered  a  beautiful  city,  but 
how  much  more  beautiful  does  it  look  in  1999.  I  will 
endeavor  to  give  you  a  little  idea. 

"The  wooden  houses  have  become  a  thing  of  the  past 
and  strong,  warm  concrete  dwellings  are  the  order  of  the 
day.  These  abodes  although  immensely  superior  to  the 
dwellings  of  1913  are  less  in  cost  and  more  adaptable  for 
homes.  Every  working  man  has  his  own  flying  machine 
and  his  own  home  and  should  be  happy  and  comfortable. 
The  city  is  compact  and  the  business  houses  are  lofty 
and  well  constructed,  safety  to  occupants  being  the  chief 
care. 

"Owing  to  the  fact  that  there  are  few,  if  any,  automobiles 
or  other  rapid  methods  of  travel  to  take  up  the  streets  of 
our  city,  there  was  an  order  issued  by  the  City  Commis- 
sioners removing  the  hard  surface  pavements  and  au- 
thorizing the  Commissioner  of  Public  Service  to  sow  the 
streets  in  rye  grass  and  Kentucky  blue  grass,  so  that  the 
city  of  Portland  is  one  perpetual  system  of  parks,  where 
the  youngster  may  play  to  his  heart's  content.  Just 
imagine  what  a  beautiful  city  we  have  and  how  our  past 
day  metropolis  would  pale  into  insignificance  beside  the 
picture  I  have  drawn.  Roses  are  planted  in  the  streets 
and  we  are  really  and  truly  the  'Rose  City'." 

At  this  juncture  the  old  lady  paused  to  consult  some 
notes  which  she  read  to  herself,  presently  beginning 
again,  this  time  with  a  new  topic : 

"Emigration  flocked  to  Oregon  after  the  opening  of  the 
Panama  canal  and  under  the  new  conditions  many  of  these 
newcomers  settled  in  and  around  Portland.  The  great 
territory  of  Alaska  has  been  pretty  thoroughly  prospected 
and  our  city  is  the  chief  market  for  that  great  and  wonder- 
ful country.  Our  population  equals  or  surpasses  that  of 
Greater  New  York  in  1913  and  there  is  work  for  every- 


THE  PROPHECY 


one.  Portland  embraces  the  entire  county  of  Multnomah 
and  a  portion  of  other  adjacent  counties  and  extends  in 
an  unbroken  line  from  Oregon  City  on  the  South  to  the 
delta  of  the  Columbia  river  on  the  North,  East  to  the 
foot  of  Mt.  Hood  and  West  to  Hillsboro.  There  are  no 
more  bridges  across  the  Willamette  river,  tubes  75  feet 
wide  at  every  other  street  taking  the  place  of  the  bridges. 
These  tubes  are  about  a  mile  in  length  and  start  from 
Broadway  on  the  Wrest  side  and  extend  to  Grand  avenue 
on  the  East.  Public  docks  extend  from  St.  Johns  to 
Milwaukie  and  cover  both  sides  of  the  river,  which  is 
dredged  the  entire  length  of  the  dockage. 

"Many  of  the  hills  back  of  the  city,  including  Portland 
Heights,  Kings  Heights  and  Willamette  Heights  are 
leveled,  only  Council  Crest  with  its  historic  traditions 
being  allowed  to  remain.  This  gives  a  vast  area  to  West 
Portland  which  is  really  vital  to  its  business  supremacy. 
Columbia  Slough  was  reclaimed  and  most  of  the  manu- 
facturing industries  are  carried  on  at  that  point.  St. 
Johns  was  again  taken  into  the  fold  and  made  happy." 

Again  did  the  old  lady  consult  her  notes,  making  a 
selection  for  a  new  topic,  smilingly  began  : 

"The  old  Commission  form  of  government  inaugurated 
in  1913  proved  a  success  in  every  way.  The  first  Mayor 
under  the  Commission,  H.  Russell  Albee,  with  his  quar- 
tette of  capable  assistants,  Messrs.  Wm.  H.  Daly,  W.  M. 
Brewster,  R.  G.  Dieck  and  C.  A.  Bigelow  set  the  pace 
for  their  under  officials  who  tried  to  emulate  their  su- 
periors' good  work,  the  public  reaping  splendid  results 
therefrom.  Each  succeeding  administration  endeavored 
to  excel  the  former's  record  and  Portland  has  been  well 
governed  for  the  past  86  years.  Auditor  Barbur,  too, 
gave  the  city  the  fruits  of  his  ripe  experience  in  municipal 
matters  and  was  rewarded  by  being  elected  again  and 


8 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 

again.  When  the  city  swallowed  up  the  county  of  Mult- 
nomah,  additional  commissioners  were  necessary  to  take 
care  of  the  increased  business,  and  so  popular  did  this 
system  of  government  become  with  the  people  that  a 
State  Commission  form  of  government  was  agitated  and 
finally  adopted.  The  Governor  and  his  Cabinet,  com- 
posed of  12  commissioners  were  moved  to  Portland  which 
became  the  state  capitol.  The  State  Commission  had 
the  power  to  enact  laws  and  possessed  all  the  functions  of 
a  state  legislature,  meeting  each  day  to  pass  upon  matters 
which  might  come  up  for  discussion  or  adjustment.  The 
Governor  serving  in  1913,  Oswald  West  declined  the 
honor  of  running  on  a  state  commission  basis  and  that 
privilege  fell  to  Robert  Stevens  who  safely  guided  the 
bark  of  Oregon  through  the  breakers. 

"The  long  list  of  state  officials  embraces  many  names 
familiar  to  the  public  in  the  earlier  part  of  this  century, 
notably,  the  names  of  Sewall,  Malarkey,  Coffey,  Word, 
Selling,  Lane,  Chamberlain,  Gatens,  Bourne,  Nebergall, 
Lightner,  Lombard,  Rushlight  and  many  others  whose 
names  were  highly  esteemed  in  Portland's  early  history. 

"The  city,  county  and  state  buildings  embrace  five  con- 
tinuous blocks  beginning  at  Jefferson  Street  running 
north,  taking  in  Madison,  Main,  Salmon,  Taylor  and 
Yamhill  Streets,  each  building  being  ten  stories  high 
and  connected  at  each  third  story  with  its  companion  on 
the  opposite  side  of  the  street  for  a  distance  of  five  blocks, 
making  it  practically  one  solid  building  five  blocks  long 
and  each  building  ten  stories  high. 

"There  are  fifteen  judges  of  the  circuit  court,  seven  of 
whom  are  women.  The  sheriff  and  treasurer  are  women 
and  there  are  several  women  serving  as  bailiffs. 

"The  name  of  Abigail  Scott  Duniway  is  held  in  much 
reverence  by  these  women  officials,  who  attribute  to  her 


THE  PROPHECY  9 

the  honor  of  being  the  promoter  of  woman  suffrage  in 
Oregon. 

"Many  innovations  have  been  made  in  the  laws  of 
Oregon  during  the  last  50  years,  a  number  of  them  being 
framed  and  mothered  by  women  State  Commissioners 
and  signed  by  Oregon's  women  governors.  One  of  these 
acts  makes  it  lawful  for  a  woman  to  retain  her  own  name, 
if  she  so  desires  after  her  marriage  and  not  making  it 
compulsory  for  her  to  take  her  husband's  name,  so  that  if 
Miss  Montmorenci  marries  Bill  Smith,  she  is  not  neces- 
sarily compelled  to  assume  her  husband's  name  of  Smith, 
but  can  be  known  as  'Mrs.  Helen  Smith-Montmorenci.' 
This  act  has  been  the  occasion  of  a  number  of  our  high- 
toned  girls  with  four  syllable  names  marrying  men  of 
plebeian  extraction,  so  the  law  works  well. 

"The  morals  of  the  city  have  wonderfully  improved. 
There  is  less  roystering,  riotousness  and  lawlessness  than 
existed  earlier  in  the  century.  There  is  no  longer  a  Home 
of  Detention  for  boys  and  girls,  Florence  Crittenden 
Home,  a  county  or  city  jail,  or  a  state  penitentiary,  all  of 
these  institutions  being  done  away  with  as  they  were 
found  unnecessary,  expensive  and  not  able  to  deal  with 
the  situation  in  hand.  Instead,  a  more  Christlike  form 
of  dealing  with  the  socalled  lawless  element  has  been  in- 
augurated and  the  fruits  became  immediately  apparent. 
Alleged  criminals  were  talked  to  like  brothers  and  treated 
like  brothers,  the  hard  spot  in  the  hearts  of  each  melting, 
when,  indeed,  they  did  become  like  brothers.  Men  on  the 
rock  pile  were  taken  by  the  hand  by  good  and  true  men 
and  women  and  made  to  feel  that  life  had  something  in 
it  besides  crime,  and  all  became  ready  and  anxious  to 
better  their  conditions  and  their  morals  and  the  Brother- 
hood of  Man  became  established  on  earth  in  its  truest 
significance. 


10 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 

"And  so  it  was  in  handling  the  social  evil.  None  were 
so  vile  but  would  like  to  leave  their  sins;  and  a  revolu- 
tion for  the  good  was  started  which  has  ever  since  con- 
tinued. And  this  is  the  reason  we  have  no  homes  for 
criminals,  for  we  have  no  more  crominals.  Isn't  that 
lovely  ?"  and  the  dear  old  lady  smiled. 

Continuing,  she  said,  "The  art  of  'moving  picture' 
shows  has  given  place  to  the  science  of  'motion  picture' 
shows.  We  will  say  that  a  rendition  of  'Shy lock'  is  given 
in  New  York  on  Monday.  The  following  Monday,  the 
very  same  performance  can  be  produced  in  Portland,  with 
a  counterpart  of  the  actors'  figures,  voices,  stage  setting, 
even  to  the  minutest  particular,  and  it  would  be  difficult 
for  one  seeing  both  performances  to  tell  which  was  the 
original  and  which  the  copy. 

"Owing  to  the  little  need  for  an  elaborate  education, 
children  are  not  compelled  to  go  higher  than  the  sixth 
grade,  the  rest  of  their  education  being  made  up  by  prac- 
tical experience  later  in  life.  This,  however,  does  not  ex- 
tend to  those  seeking  professional  lives  who  are  at  liberty 
to  use  their  time  as  they  choose. 

"Fourth  of  July,  1999,  was  celebrated  in  a  way  that  the 
men  and  women  of  former  days  would  marvel  at.  The 
air  was  filled  with  vehicles  of  all  kinds  and  descrip- 
tions. They  all  invaded  the  air  from  the  little  tad  of  four 
years  of  age,  who  is  riding  in  space  at  a  height  of  five 
feet  just  within  reach  of  his  parent's  arms,  to  the  more 
daring  air  rider  who  soars  the  skies,  at  an  elevation  of 
10,000  feet.  There  were  no  fireworks  but  there  was 
plenty  of  visiting  above  ground  and  music  from  50,000 
phonographs  was  listened  to.  One  mighty  band  was 
playing  national  airs,  and  although  more  than  a  century 
and  a  half  has  elapsed  since  the  anthem  was  written,  the 
'Star  Spangled  Banner'  was  received  in  the  usual  way. 


THE  PROPHECY  11 


There  are  some  new  national  hymns,  but  the  olden  ones 
seem  to  be  the  most  popular. 

"The  Rose  Festival  was  celebrated  two  weeks  prior  to 
this  event.  The  celebration  was  unique  and  embraced  a 
pageant  in  the  air,  the  electric  parade  being  the  feature 
of  the  day.  A  genuine  shower  of  roses  let  fall  at  a  given 
signal  from  tens  of  thousands  of  airships  filled  the  air 
with  delightful  perfume  and  the  spectators  with  enthusi- 
asm. The  performance  was  given  three  days  in  succes- 
sion. A  reminiscent  figure  of  the  third  day's  parade 
was  a  picture  made  in  flowers  and  exhibited  at  a  height 
of  1,000  feet  above  the  ground  showing  a  picture  of  the 
first  president  of  the  Rose  Festival,  who  was  none  other 
than  our  dear  old  friend,  Ralph  W.  Hoyt. 

"What  might  appear  to  the  people  of  1913  as  very  ex- 
traordinary, is  the  manner  in  which  the  streets  of  the  city 
are  sprinkled.  A  huge  air  bag  with  a  rubber  hose  attach- 
ment is  allowed  to  rise  to  a  height  of  about  1,000  feet  and 
water  from  the  Willamette  river  is  pumped  up  into  it  by 
the  good  old  fire  boat,  David  Campbell,  which  is  still 
doing  business. 

"Attached  to  the  air  bag  is  a  regular  sprinkling  machine 
and  as  fast  as  the  David  Campbell  pumps  the  water  into 
the  bag  it  is  allowed  to  fall  on  the  city,  the  air  bag,  of 
course,  frequently  shifting  its  position  to  give  all  parts  of 
the  city  an  equal  show  for  a  rain  storm.  This  process  is 
used  whenever  there  is  a  drought  in  Multnomah  county, 
which,  thank  the  Lord,  is  a  seldom  occurrance. 

"Journalism  has  kept  apace  with  the  times  and  the 
Oregonian  is  still  doing  business  at  the  old  stand  but  it 
now  occupies  the  entire  block.  The  names  of  Scott  and 
Pittock  are  synonymous  with  that  of  the  Oregonian. 

"The  Journal  has  taken  its  place  among  the  foremost 
papers  of  the  day  and  it,  too,  covers  a  whole  block  on  its 


12 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 

present  site.  It  is  a  monument  to  the  energy  and  busi- 
ness sagacity  of  Mr.  C.  S.  Jackson. 

"The  Daily  News  proved  a  paying  venture  and  is  among 
the  city's  institutions. 

"The  Sunday  Mercury  has  long  since  ceased  publica- 
tion on  Sunday,  becoming  a  thriving  morning  paper. 

"The  Evening  Telegram  grew  so  fast  that  it  was  com- 
pelled to  move  to  more  commodious  quarters  and  occupies 
that  building  once  known  as  the  Portland  Hotel,  which 
ceased  to  be  a  hostelry  in  1953.  The  Telegram  utilizes 
the  entire  building  which  is  proof  sufficient  of  its  pros- 
perity. 

"The  Guide,  a  little  sheet  devoted  to  general  informa- 
tion for  the  public  is  still  published  by  a  gentleman, 
named  Stuart,  and  gives  out  correct  data  as  in  years 
gone  by. 

"Much  of  the  good  in  Socialism  has  been  incorporated 
in  the  politics  of  the  state,  and  the  objectionable  part  of 
the  doctrines  were  eschewed.  The  best  ideas  of  all  parties 
now  enter  into  politics,  which  goes  to  show  that  there  was 
good  in  all. 

"One-half  of  the  police  force  are  women,  who  dress  in 
uniform  and  there  is  a  day  shift  and  a  night  shift  of  these 
women  police,  and  the  idea  works  well. 

"Owing  to  sanitary  conditions  somewhat,  but  rather  to 
a  change  of  mind  and  morals,  there  is  comparatively  little 
sickness  now  prevailing  in  Oregon.  Ever  since  the  year 
1933,  when  the  State  of  Oregon  passed  a  bill  making  it  a 
criminal  offense  for  anyone  to  recommend  or  prescribe 
deleterious  drugs  in  the  cure  of  diseases,  the  number  of 
doctors  using  medicines  have  fallen  off  and  drug  stores 
are  no  longer  run  under  that  name,  and  the  health  of 
young  and  old  has  wonderfully  improved.  The  science 
of  curing  broken  limbs  still  continues  to  be  practiced  but 


THE  PROPHECY  13 


these  surgeons  acknowledge  that  drugs  and  medicines 
have  lost  their  potency  as  a  curative  agent. 

"Men  and  women  dress  very  differently  from  former 
days. 

"The  tube  skirt  is  surely  a  thing  of  the  past  and  pic- 
tures of  a  1913  belle  dressed  in  a  'tube'  is  put  on  the  mov- 
ing pictures  when  it  is  particularly  desirous  to  raise  some 
merriment,  even  if  it  be  done  at  the  expense  of  one's 
great  grandmother. 

"The  ladies  dress  in  more  of  an  Oriental  style  which  is 
very  becoming  and  which  allows  them  more  individuality 
of  design. 

"The  men  and  boys  have  gone  back  to  the  old  Knicker- 
bocker style  of  dress  and  they  look  very  natty  in  their 
new  attire. 

"One  never  sees  a  horse  any  more  and  that  species  of 
animal  is  well  nigh  extinct.  To  be  sure,  there  are  some 
to  be  found  at  the  city  parks  and  they  are  as  much 
fondled  and  caressed  by  the  youthful  visitor  there  as  was 
the  pet  lamb  that  Mary  took  to  school.  The  horses'  day 
as  a  beast  of  burden  is  over,  thank  God. 

"There  are  but  few  of  the  old  stock  of  Indians  left  and 
these  are  very  proud.  Much  is  being  made  of  them  by  the 
whites,  who  look  up  to  them  as  being  the  'First  families 
of  America.'  Their  numbers  are  few  and  there  is  an 
effort  being  exerted  to  preserve  and  propagate  what  is 
left  of  them. 

"There  is  a  sprinkle  of  Chinese  and  Japanese  in  the  city 
but  the  little  people  have  long  since  passed  the  stage  of 
'undesirables.'  They,  too,  have  had  a  change  of  heart 
and  have  stopped  all  their  objectionable  ways  and  have 


14 


PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 


become  as  good  citizens  as  those  of  the  'most  favored 
nation/ 

"The  Chinamen,  more  particularly  have  fallen  into  the 
customs  of  the  white  neighbors  and  a  much  better  feeling 
is  manifest  on  both  sides,  which  knocks  the  dreaded  buga- 
boo about  the  'yellow  peril/  Both  Japanese  and  Chinese 
affect  the  American  style  of  dress,  even  to  the  knee  pants. 
Just  fancy  that !" 


CHAPTER  III. 


MORE  STARTLING  PROPHECIES. 


THE  old  lady  talked  fast  now,  often  stopping  for 
a  minute  or  so  to  look  at  what  appeared  hiero- 
glyphics on  her  memorandum  papers : 

"I  told  you  that  I  was  86  years  old  and  the  period  that 
I  am  talking  to  you  about  is  just  86  years  hence,  so  that  I 
am  merely  looking  ahead  86  years  instead  of  looking 
backward  that  length  of  time.  Please  do  not  confound 
my  subject  to  the  present  time  for  all  that  I  tell  you  is  to 
take  place  in  1999  although  I  speak  of  it  as  having  already 
occurred.  My  foresight  is  just  as  keen  as  my  hindsight 
and  all  that  I  am  telling  you  is  a  reality  to  me  even  if  it 
has  not  yet  actually  taken  place.  But  it  will  happen  so, 
and  just  as  I  relate  it  to  you. 

"I  forgot  to  tell  you  that  the  doctors  will  be  under  the 
supervision  of  the  City  Commissioners.  They  will  be  paid 
from  the  city  treasury  and  all  fees  accruing  from  the 
public  for  medical  service  will  be  paid  into  the  municipal 
treasury.  The  doctors  will  be  paid  according  to  their 
ability  and  civil  service  examination  will  be  required  ere 
a  doctor  will  be  allowed  to  practice. 

"All  lawyers  will  have  their  offices  in  the  court  house 
and  will  be  assigned  to  cases  as  they  come  up  in  rotation. 
Each  attorney  must  work  for  the  best  good  of  his  client 
but  all  cases  will  have  a  preliminary  examination  before  a 
board  of  three  judges  and  unless,  in  their  esteem,  the 
case  is  a  meritorious  one,  it  will  be  summarily  thrown  out 
of  court. 

"Lawyers  cannot  collect  fees  from  clients  but  will  re- 
ceive a  salary  paid  out  of  the  common  fund,  their  emolu- 
ments greatly  depending  upon  the  value  of  their  services, 

15 


16 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999        

the  number  of  cases  each  has  won,  etc.  This  state  of 
affairs  is  much  appreciated  by  both  practitioner  and  client 
and  works  well. 

"The  ministers,  too,  come  under  the  supervision  of  the 
City  Commission,  but  as  it  is  impossible  for  anyone  to 
tell  how  many  souls  they  save  it  has  been  decided  that 
their  emoluments  must  come  from  their  clients  who  are 
the  better  judge  of  their  minister's  value. 

"It  was  in  the  year  1950  that  it  became  quite  observable 
that  corn,  wheat,  rye  and  other  cereals  entering  into  the 
production  of  alcohol  had  lost  the  power  to  ferment  and 
to  be  converted  into  beer,  wine  and  whiskey.  This  was 
a  startling  announcement  to  the  old  topers  but  it  was 
nevertheless  a  fact  and  the  science  of  making  alcohol  has 
become  a  lost  art. 

"One  would  think  that  this  would  put  the  distilleries  and 
breweries  out  of  business,  but  man  is  very  resourceful 
and  immediately  those  in  the  liquor  business  began  cast- 
ing around  for  a  substitute  for  their  former  product  and 
a  splendid  one  was  discovered  which  more  than  filled  all 
requirements  and  now,  Weinhard's  brewery  still  managed 
by  Paul  Wessinger  the  Fourth,  and  the  Gambrinus  brew- 
ery, with  a  Mr.  George  Leithoff,  Jr.,  at  the  helm,  are 
manufacturing  a  beverage  which  exhilarates  but  does  not 
inebriate.  Both  of  these  institutions  have  grown  to  five 
times  the  size  of  the  early  part  of  the  century  and,  inas- 
much as  there  can  be  no  law  directed  against  the  sale  of 
their  beverages,  there  is  no  license  fee  exacted  by  the  city 
from  the  cafes  or  other  resorts  retailing  these  wares. 
W.  J.  Van  Schuyver  &  Co.,  Rothschild  Bros.,  Blumauer, 
Hoch  &  Co.,  L.  Germanus,  L.  Coblentz  &  Co.,  still  con- 
tinue in  business  with  new  faces,  the  old  names  are  still 
on  the  signs,  but  they,  too,  are  selling  a  splendid  substitute 
for  alcoholic  beverages." 


MORE  STARTLING  PROPHECIES 17 

The  old  lady  paused  for  a  minute  and  with  a  laugh  re- 
marked, "I'd  like  to  be  able  to  give  you  of  the  present 
day  the  recipe  for  this  substitute  but  it  would  affect  the 
gift  I  possess  of  foreshadowing  the  future  and  I'll  have  to 
leave  it  a  secret. 

"The  lighting  of  the  city  is  done  by  one  immense  electric 
light  suspended  in  the  air  at  a  height  of  several  thousand 
feet  which  illumines  the  city  as  bright  as  the  brightest 
day.  No  deep  black  shadows  are  cast  as  was  the  case  in 
former  days,  but  a  gentle,  steady,  pervading  light  is  given 
and  a  person  need  not  have  gas  fixtures  or  electric  light 
fixtures  in  his  home  or  place  of  business  as  the  city  light 
illumines  exactly  as  does  the  sun. 

"Heat  is  furnished  by  the  city  through  a  thorough  pipe 
system  and  it  is  compulsory  on  all  citizens  to  patronize  the 
city's  heat.  No  fuel  in  the  shape  of  wood  and  coal  is 
used  and  the  loss  by  fire  is  nominal  and  for  this  reason, 
the  premiums  on  fire  insurance  policies  have  been  cut 
down  to  one-quarter  of  the  former  cost.  The  working 
out  of  this  idea  has  materially  helped  to  beautify  the  city 
and  actually  put  the  street  cleaning  department  out  of 
business. 

"There  being  so  very  few  horses  raised  the  overplus  of 
stock  feed  is  used  in  the  propagation  of  hogs  and  cattle 
and,  as  a  consequence,  the  meat  and  milk  product  has 
greatly  increased  and  the  prices  have  been  very  much 
lessened. 

"The  disciples  of  Burbank,  the  once  renowned  horticul- 
turist have  been  getting  busy  and  as  a  result  many  new 
fruits  and  vegetables  have  been  put  on  the  market,  their 
flavor  and  excellence  outstripping  anything  known  in  the 
early  twentieth  century. 

"We  have  now  one  universal,  common  language.  The 
vocabulary  is  not  very  copious,  the  dictionary  containing 


18 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 

less  than  8,000  words  but  it  is  capable  of  expressing  every 
idea  that  the  human  mind  may  evolve.  This  innovation 
has  made  it  easy,  particularly  for  the  young  scholar  and 
student.  Latin  and  Greek,  commonly  known  as  the  dead 
languages  are  now  very  dead,  as  even  the  churches  have 
given  up  their  usage. 

"High  above  the  clouds  at  Fort  Stevens,  is  erected  a 
tower  that  pierces  the  sky  to  several  thousand  feet,  and 
far  above  the  cloud  line.  Here  are  half  a  dozen  men  con- 
contantly  on  watch  with  the  latest  improved  telescopes. 
Their  mission  is  to  apprize  the  garrison  below  of  the 
approach  of  an  enemy  by  sea.  From  their  lofty  height 
and  through  the  modern  telescope,  ships  at  a  distance  of 
100  miles  at  sea  can  be  distinctly  sighted  and  the  alarm 
given  to  the  ever- watchful  garrison. 

"Signals  between  the  watchers  in  the  lighthouse  and  the 
officers  manning  the  guns  indicate  the  exact  location  of 
the  approaching  enemy  and  an  attack  can  be  repelled  and 
the  greatest  Dreadnaught  blown  out  of  the  water  at  this 
long  range  at  the  will  of  the  gunners.  It  is  in  this  way 
that  the  entire  Pacific  Coast  is  defended,  but  it  is  pleasure- 
able  to  state,  that  there  has  been  no  semblance  of  war  for 
over  50  years  and  all  the  earth  is  at  peace. 

"Irrigation  in  Eastern  Oregon  and  Washington  has  pro- 
duced 10  times  the  amount  of  wheat  formerly  raised  and 
wheat  is  shipped  to  all  parts  of  the  world  from  the  numer- 
ous and  well  equipped  elevators  on  the  Willamette  river. 

"I  must  now  tell  you  what  I  consider  the  greatest  of  all 
the  world's  inventions  and  it  seems  a  pity  that  it  has  been 
bottled  up  so  long  merely  to  line  the  pockets  of  a  few 
sordid  railroad  owners. 

"The  device  was  invented  in  1925  by  a  young  man 
named  Wallace  Going  and  it  consisted  of  an  apparatus 


MORE  STARTLING  PROPHECIES  19 

which  may  be  so  applied  to  a  balloon  or  other  object  sus- 
pended in  midair,  which,  when  properly  adjusted  and  at  a 
certain  height  from  the  earth,  will  shake  off  or  cast  off  the 
gravitation  of  the  earth  allowing  it  to  suspend  in  space  as 
an  independent  planet.  The  idea  being  one  of  quick  transit, 
the  balloonist  after  freeing  his  ship  from  the  earth's  at- 
traction will  hang  in  space  till  his  destination  rolls  around 
to  him.  The  earth  moves  from  west  to  east,  so  that  it 
will  take  a  little  more  than  20  hours,  at  this  latitude,  to 
have  New  York  roll  around  to  you,  but  if  you  are  in  New 
York  it  would  take  but  four  hours  to  come  to  Portland, 
provided  they  are  in  exactly  the  same  latitude.  Do  you 
understand  me?  Of  course,  if  you  started  from  Los 
Angeles,  you  would  touch  some  point  in  the  southern 
states  and  if  your  destination  happened  to  be  New  York 
City,  you  would  have  to  take  the  cars  to  that  point.  This 
has  become  a  favorite  way  to  cross  the  continent.  It  is 
quick  and  absolutely  without  any  danger  so  very  few 
travel  overland  by  the  railroads,  that  mode  of  locomotion 
being  used  almost  entirely  for  weighty  and  bulky  mer- 
chandise. 

"When  young  Wallace  Going  approached  the  President 
of  the  Transcontinental  Railroad  with  his  invention,  he 
was  laughed  to  scorn,  but  the  young  man  gave  a  practical 
demonstration  ascending  in  his  balloon  and  allowing  the 
earth  to  pass  in  review  before  him  arriving  at  Portland 
again,  or  rather,  rolling  around  to  Portland  again  23 
hours  55  minutes  later.  A  vast  sum  was  paid  young 
Going  for  his  invention,  but  the  railroad  companies  stuck 
to  their  privilege  of  bottling  it  up,  fully  realizing  the  revo- 
lution it  would  create  in  business  once  it  was  established. 
The  patent  ran  out  in  25  years  when  the  device  became 
public  property  and  now  it  is  in  general  use  from  Alaska 


20 


PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 


on  the  north  to  Terra  del  Fuego  on  the  south  and  there 
has  been  very  few  mishaps  to  any  of  the  carriers. 

"You  can  see,  therefore,  how  the  number  of  railroads 
running  north  and  south  must  have  increased  and  how- 
the  traffic  across  the  continent  has  diminished. 

"And  still  the  end  of  the  wonders  are  not  yet,"  and  the 
interesting  old  lady  stopped  to  consult  her  memorandum; 
book. 

"You  will  want  to  know,  of  course,  who  are  in  business 
in  Portland  at  the  time  I  am  talking  about,  A.  D.  1999: 
and  I  will  gladly  answer  all  your  enquiries,  as  I  have  a 
city  directory  for  the  year  1998,  but  it  will  do  for  our 
use,"  and  the  old  lady  took  a  ponderous  book  from  her 
bag. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

OLD  NAMES  REVIVED. 

TELL  me,   please,   who  are  the  proprietors   of 
the  department  stores  in  1999?" 
"Well,   there   is    Lipman,   Wolfe   &   Co.,    who 
occupy  two  blocks,  one  at  their  present  location,  the  other 
being  on  the  east  side  of  the  river.     I  notice  the  name 
Ramsdell  is  still  connected  with  the  concern  and  there  are 
several  Lipmans  and  Wolfes  interested  in  the  business. 
They  have  always  kept  up  with  the  times  and  never  grew 
weary  in  the  race  for  the  golden  shekels. 

"I  notice,  also,  that  Meier,  Frank  Company  are  not  only 
in  the  business  at  the  old  stand,  but  occupy  a  50-story 
building  near  where  the  Multnomah  field  once  was  lo- 
cated. This  latter  is  a  grand  building  and  it  required  a 
special  act  of  legislature  to  effect  its  construction.  The 
down  town  store,  which  covers  an  entire  block,  is  devoted 
to  the  heavier  and  coarser  class  of  merchandise,  while  the 
new  store  is  filled  with,  well,  everything.  Here  most 
of  the  employes  of  this  great  business  are  comfortably 
housed  with  all  the  comforts  of  apartment  life  and  the 
huge  structure  is  a  little  city  in  itself.  This  building  was 
erected  as  a  monument  to  Messrs.  Meier  and  Frank,  the 
founders  of  the  house,  by  their  great  grand  children  in 
1960. 

"Olds,  Wortman  and  King  are  still  known  by  that  firm 
name  and  the  posterity  of  each  of  the  individual  members 
of  the  house  are  represented  in  the  business.  The  store  is 
conducted  on  the  same  broad  business  principles  which 
always  characterized  the  founders  of  the  house  and  which 
today  makes  it  the  popular  place  to  do  shopping. 

21 


22 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 

"There  were  other  department  stores  which  came  and 
went,  but  it  seems  that  these  three  will  'go  on  forever*." 

"How  is  it  about  the  boot  and  shoe  business  ?  Do  any 
of  the  old  names  appear?"  I  queried. 

"Oh,  yes,  there  are  your  old  friends,  Eggert  &  Young, 
who  are  still  in  business  but  they  are  away  up  town  on 
Twentieth  and  Washington  Streets,  which  is  the  centre 
of  the  retail  business.  The  name  of  Protzman  appears, 
yes,  it  is  Eugene  Protzman,  but  probably  not  the  one  you 
know.  He  is  located  at  Nineteenth  and  Morrison  and 
has  a  nice  store. 

"The  Rosenthals?  Yes,  they  are  doing  business  at 
Twenty-second  and  Washington,  and  I  notice  the  name 
Friendly  often  appears  in  communications  from  their 
store  which  would  indicate  that  the  posterity  of  the 

framers  of  this  business  are  still  connected." 

-•> 

"Who  is  in  the  furniture  business  away  off  there  in 
1999?"  was  my  next  question. 

"You  would  hardly  believe  it  but  there  is  the  old  name 
of  Ira  F.  Powers,  who  maintains  an  immense  establish- 
ment on  Twelfth  and  Yamhill  Streets.  His  store  is  the 
largest  one  of  the  kind  in  the  city. 

"Then  there  is  Mack  &  Abrahams  whom  you  knew  once 
as  J.  G.  Mack  &  Co.,  and  who  were  badly  burned  out 
along  about  1913.  I  notice  that  they  buy  furniture  in 
Turkey  and  other  semi-Oriental  countries." 

"Tell  me  about  the  big  stores  formerly  located  on  Front 
Street,  I  am  very  much  interested  in  them,  but  don't  make 
your  answer  read  like  an  ad,"  I  next  remarked. 

"I'll  tell  you  about  Allen  &  Lewis  for  they  are  yet  do- 
ing business,  but  on  a  much  larger  scale.  I  notice  the  old 
sign  has  been  taken  down  and  carefully  covered  with  a 
thick  plate  glass  to  preserve  it  from  the  elements  and  it 
has  been  hung  back  in  the  same  old  place  and  it  really 


OLD  NAMES  REVIVED 23 

looks  familiar.  They  employ  an  army  of  men  and  women 
clerks  and  hundreds  of  vehicles,  mostly  flying  machines, 
to  carry  their  merchandise  to  their  customers.  This 
business  is  a  monument  to  the  sagacity,  honesty,  intelli- 
gence and  fearlessness  of  Mr.  C.  H.  Lewis,  the  founder 
of  this  great  house.  His  memory  is  still  revered  by  his 
own  people  and  those  on  whom  he  bestowed  kindness. 

"The  familiar  name  of  Lang  &  Co.,  appears  on  a  large 
building  on  Oak  Street,  near  West  Park,  the  founder  of 
which  was  Isador  Lang." 

"Who  is  in  the  printing  business  off  there  on  the  out- 
skirts of  eternity,  whose  names  were  once  familier  to 
me  ?"  I  queried,  as  the  old  lady  came  to  a  pause. 

"Well,  there  is  the  name  of  F.  W.  Baltes  and  Com- 
pany, who  occupy  a  whole  block  down  near  their  oJ4 
location,  and  it  sounds  good  to  me.  There  are,  too,  the 
names  of  J.  R.  Rogers  &  Company  and  Anderson  & 
Company,  but  they  are  located  away  up  town  now." 

"Tell  me  about  the  hotels,  please ;  are  there  any  of  the 
old  land  marks  left?"  I  queried. 

"Very  few,  if  any.  You  see,  the  flying  machines  revo- 
lutionized the  hotel  business  and  most  of  the  finest  hostel- 
ries  are  now  out  of  town,  several  being  constructed  on 
Mt.  Tabor,  Council  Crest  and  other  eminences.  The 
Multnomah  Hotel  is  still  running  but  the  environments 
and  surroundings  have  wonderfully  changed,  the  old 
wooden  buildings  have  disappeared  and  commodious, 
well-built  structures  have  been  erected  instead.  Space  is 
too  valuable  down  town  for  hotels,  and  the  traveling  pub- 
lic demand  more  suburban  locations  where  there  is  more 
quiet  and  better  air. 

"Clossett  &  Devers  are  engaged  in  business  away  down 
on  Front  Street,  and  occupy  a  whole  block  and  the  odors 


24 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 

arising  from  their  coffees  and  spices  smell  just  as  sweet 
as  they  did  when  you  passed  by  their  store  years  ago. 

"Now,  there  is  Fleischner,  Mayer  &  Co.  They  have  cer- 
tainly kept  up  with  the  times  generally,  being  just  a  little 
in  the  advance  so  as  to  set  the  pace  for  their  competitors. 
The  business  is  now  being  conducted  by  I.  N.  Fleischner 
the  Third,  M.  M.  Fleischner  the  Third,  Sol  and  Sanford 
Hirsch,  Mark  Mayer  the  Third.  There  are  grand  nephews 
of  Sam  Simon  connected  with  the  firm  and  the  old  names 
are  much  in  evidence. 

"In  the  insurance  business,  I  notice  we  have  some  of  the 
old  names  yet.  There  is  James  Peter  Moffatt,  Jr.,  Rosen- 
blatt Bros.,  J.  D.  Wilcox,  Jr.,  John  H.  Burgard  III.,  J. 
Mel.  Wood,  L.  Samuel  III,  Henry  Hewitt,  Edward  Hall, 
F.  E.  Hart,  Thos.  Jordan,  F.  J.  Alex  Mayer,  Frank 
Motter,  Harvey  O'Brien.  It  is  remarkable  how  the  sons 
of  professional  men  follow  in  the  footsteps  of  their 
fathers'  business.  There  is  Erskine  Wood,  who  must  be 
a  great  grandson  of  Mr.  C.  E.  S.  Wood,  Robert  Strong 
Sargent,  undoubtedly  the  branch  of  Harry  K.  Sargent. 
Dan  J.  Malarkey,  Jr.,  the  grandson  of  our  Dan.  Russell 
Sewall,  whose  grandfather  you  knew  well.  P.  J.  Bannon, 
nephew  to  our  own  Mr.  Bannon.  Henry  E.  McGinn,  who 
is  none  other  than  the  grand  nephew  of  Judge  H.  E. 
McGinn  of  the  Circuit  Court,  the  most  wideawake,  fear- 
less exponent  of  good  law  in  the  state,  I  find  the  names  of 
M.  C.  George  III,  John  F.  Logan,  a  grandson  of  our 
John.  John  Ditchburn,  once  known  as  'Honest  John,' 
and  'Gentleman  John,'  whose  name  is  among  the  attor- 
neys of  1999.  Here  is  a  list  of  the  rest  of  these  attorneys : 
J.  D.  Mann,  Chester  Murphy,  W.  D.  Fenton,  Walter 
Hayes,  John  Manning. 

"All  these  are  very  familiar  names  to  you  and  they  all 
appear  in  the  telephone  directory  for  1999,  but  I  must 


OLD  NAMES  REVIVED  25 

give  you  a  few  more  whom  you  will  remember,  and  the 
old  lady  read  off  the  following-  list  which  sounded  good 
to  me :  John  Beck,  Whitney  Boise,  Geo.  Brice,  Bronaugh, 
Citron,  D.  S.  Cohen,  Craib,  Dolph,  Mallory,  Duniway, 
Emmons,  Ferrera,  Fouts,  Carey,  Gleason,  Glisan,  Hogue, 
Green,  Hazen,  Holman,  Hume,  C.  M.  Idleman,  Languth, 
Logan,  Wallace  McCamant,  McDevitt,  L.  A.  McNary, 
Moody,  Morris,  G.  C.  Moser,  Munley,  Olsen,  Pague, 
Pipes,  F.  J.  Richardson,  Giltner,  Chas.  J.  Schnabel,  Shil- 
lock,  Zera  Snow,  S.  Raynor,  Stott,  Sweek,  Swope,  Jos.  N. 
Teal,  Upton,  Vaughn,  Webster,  Whalley,  Whitfield,  Wil- 
liams, Ryan,  Thos.  O'Day,  Tazwell. 

"I  must  interrupt  the  routine  to  tell  you  something 
about  the  innovation  in  barbering,"  remarked  the  old 
lady,  reaching  for  a  paper  in  her  pocketbook. 

"Let's  see,  it  occurred  in  A.  D.  1951,  that  an  old 
chemist  made  a  discovery.  He  ascertained  that  by  a  con- 
coction of  sage,  sulphur  and  some  other  ingredients  hair 
can  be  removed  from  the  face  efficaciously  and  as  clean  as 
a  barber  could  shave  you.  The  preparation  was  made  up 
into  some  kind  of  a  soap  and  the  lather  applied  to  the 
whiskers  and  allowed  to  remain  for  three  minutes  when  it 
was  washed  off  with  clean  water.  This  process  removed 
hair  from  the  face  without  injury  to  the  skin,  doing  away 
entirely  with  the  services  of  a  tonsorial  artist.  It  is  a 
wonderful  discovery,  but  it  had  the  bad  effect  of  putting 
a  number  of  good  men  out  of  business." 

"I  wonder  how  this  discovery  effected  my  friend, 
Frank  Rogers?"  I  asked. 

"Well,"  was  the  reply,  "this  occurred  in  1951  and  I 
expect  that  Frank  was  not  caring  much  for  the  barber 
business  then,  as  he  got  rich  in  the  business  prior  to  that 
time." 


26 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 

Continuing,  the  old  lady  said,  "There  are  now  not  any 
more  tonsorial  apartments  than  existed  in  A.  D.  1913  and 
the  sphere  of  usefulness  of  that  kind  of  talent  is  confined 
to  hair  cutting,  massaging  and  such  like." 

The  world  wags  on.  "Why/'  continued  my  visitor, 
"you  can  leave  your  measure  for  a  pair  of  shoes  to  order 
and  you  may  come  back  in  10  minutes  and  find  them  all 
ready  to  take  away  with  you.  The  same  can  be  said 
about  getting  a  suit  of  clothes  which  takes  just  60  minutes 
to  construct  and  be  ready  for  wear." 

"Who's  in  the  banking  business  that  I  know,  away  off 
there  on  the  verge  of  time?"  I  asked  of  my  companion. 

"Oh,  there  are  many  whom  you  know,"  was  her  reply. 
"At  least,  you  will  remember  the  names  of  many.  Ladd 
&  Tilton  still  conduct  their  business  and  I  notice  a  number 
of  the  name  of  Ladd  connected  with  the  institution  as  I 
take  it  that  the  estate  is  still  in  the  banking  business. 

"Then  there  is  First  National  Bank  with  many  familiar 
names  like  Corbett,  Failing,  Alvord,  Newkirk,  which  indi- 
cates that  the  new  generation  are  a  branch  of  the  former 
tree. 

"I  notice  that  the  Security  &  Trust  Company  have  of- 
ficials bearing  the  names  of  Adams,  Jubitz,  Lee  and 
others,  but  as  they  are  all  young  men,  they  must  be  a 
later  generation  than  you  know.  The  same  is  the  case 
with  the  United  States  National  Bank,  where  the  present 
officials  bear  such  names  as  Ainsworth,  Barnes  and 
Schmeer.  Yes,  new  generation,  too.  We  have  the  Mer- 
chants' National  Bank,  Durhams,  Hoyts,  Watson's  can 
be  heard  giving  instructions  from  the  different  desks  but 
they,  too,  don't  belong  to  your  time." 

The  old  lady  was  getting  to  the  end  of  her  memoran- 
dums, but  she  still  had  lots  to  tell  and  talk  about. 


OLD  NAMES  REVIVED  27 

"I  notice,"  she  began,  '"that  the  first  class  buildings 
like  the  Yeon,  the  Wilcox,  the  old  Oregonian,  the  Spald- 
ing,  the  Journal,  the  Commercial  Club  and  many  others 
of  the  buildings  that  you  know  about  are  still  in  fine  re- 
pair and  have  stood  the  ravages  of  time  very  well,  but 
our  climate  deals  gently  with  well-constructed  buildings 
and  if  care  is  taken,  they  will  last  a  long  time  yet. 

"The  Pittock  building,  erected  on  Mr.  Pittock's  old 
home  site,  is  as  beautiful  as  it  was  the  day  it  was  erected 
and  it  is  certainly  a  credit  to  the  city. 

"The  Elks'  building  which  covers  a  full  block,  is  further 
out  on  Washington  Street  and  is  a  beautiful  structure. 
Many  elks  heads  adorn  the  walls  of  the  lodge  room. 

"The  Selling  building  at  the  corner  of  Sixth  and  Alder 
still  stands  and  is  in  fine  condition. 

"The  firm  of  Morgan,  Fliedner  &  Boyce,  erected  many 
handsome  buildings,  one,  particularly,  in  the  north  end, 
being  a  wonder.  Joseph  Boyce's  name  appears  in  the 
telephone  directory,  probably  a  descendant  of  one  of  the 
members  of  that  firm. 

"I  notice  that  in  all  cases  that  it  is  a  matter  of  the  'sur- 
vival of  the  fittest/  and  the  names  of  the  old  people  whose 
descendants  are  in  business  were  noted  in  1913  for  their 
honesty  and  integrity. 

"Sig.  Sichel  &  Co.  is  a  familiar  sign  around  town, 
evidently  the  'Footprints  on  the  sands  of  time/  achieved 
by  our  old  friend,  Sig.  Sichel. 

"The  name  of  Ben  Selling  can  be  seen  at  half  a  dozen 
different  stores  in  various  parts  of  the  city. 

"The  name  of  W.  P.  Friedlander  is  to  be  seen  over  a 
jewelry  store  on  Washington  Street,  near  Sixth,  evidently 
the  descendants  of  the  former  popular  jeweler. 

"Another  old  timer's  name,  L.  C.  Henrichsen,  appears 
over  a  jewelry  store  further  up  on  Washington  Street, 
the  proprietors  of  which  are  the  great  grandchildren  of 
the  merchant  of  1913." 


CHAPTER  V. 

PROPHETESS  GROWS  JOCOSE. 

I  WANT  to  tell  you  a  joke  which  I  heard  the  other 
day  that  has  come  thundering  down  the  ages  of 
time  and  which  is  told  about  Theodore  B.  Wilcox 
when  he  was  cashier  of  Ladd  &  Tilton's  Bank,  somewhere 
in  the  1880's.  This  will  go  to  show  you  that  people  may 
forget  their  Bible  lessons  but  they  never  fail  to  remember 
a  joke. 

"A  Frenchman  appeared  at  the  depository  at  First  and 
Stark  Streets  one  day  with  a  check  for  $750,  payable  to 
Jean  Crapo.  Mr.  Wilcox  told  the  Frenchman  that  he 
must  be  identified  before  he  could  draw  the  money. 
'Identified,  identified.  I  don't  know  what  that  means,' 
exclaimed  the  Frenchman.  When  it  was  explained  to  him 
he  said,  'Oh,  I  comprenez,'  and  producing  a  photograph 
of  himself  from  his  side  pocket,  he  triumphantly  informed 
Mr.  Wilcox  that  he  thought  this  would  be  sufficient  iden- 
tification." 

"Yes,"  I  said,  "I  remember  that  story.  It  was  told  by 
Jerry  Coldwell  in  the  columns  of  the  Oregonian,  and  it  is 
hard  to  believe  that  people  are  smiling  over  the  story  120 
years  later." 

"Another  story  is  told  of  C.  A.  Malarkey,"  continued 
the  visitor,  "and  I  will  relate  it : 

"Charley  was  visiting  in  San  Francisco  and  put  up  at 
the  Palace  Hotel.  A  darkey  had  driven  him  around  in 
his  carriage  viewing  the  city  all  one  afternoon  and  as  the 
dinner  hour  approached,  the  cab  was  about  to  be  dis- 
charged when  Charley  remembered  that  he  needed  some 
neckwear  and  told  the  driver  to  take  him  to  a  haberdasher. 
The  darkey  drove  around  several  blocks  finally  stopping 

28 


PROPHETESS  GROWS  JOCOSE  29 

to  ask,  'Where  did  you  say  you  wanted  to  go,  boss?'  'I 
want  to  go  to  a  haberdasher/  he  replied,  and  the  driver 
started  off  again. 

"He  drove  around  seven  or  eight  blocks,  then  dis- 
mounted, and  in  an  apologetical  tone  said,  'Look  hyar, 
sah,  Ise  driven  this  hyar  hack  for  22  years  and  neber  gib 
anyone  away  yet;  you  just  tell  me  whare  it  is  yer  want 
to  go,  sah,  and  Ise  de  boy  that  can  take  yer  there.' 

"I  understand  that  this  anecdote  was  told  the  other 
night  at  one  of  the  popular  lodges  under  the  head  of  'good 
of  the  order',"  and  the  old  lady  proceeded  to  look  still 
further  into  her  portmanteau  for  other  items  of  interest. 

"Tell  me,"  I  asked,  "what  is  the  force  and  energy  used 
in  producing  electricity?  They  must  have  found  more 
power  for  there  is  so  much  of  it  used." 

"Oh,  yes,"  responded  the  old  lady,  "If  you  remember, 
there  was  a  movement  on  foot  away  back  in  1905  to  har- 
ness the  ocean's  waves,  but  it  was  determined  to  be  un- 
feasible. Later  on,  it  was  demonstrated  that  the  project 
was  a  simple  one  and  now  the  highway  to  the  ocean  is 
lined  with  poles  carrying  power  developed  by  the  ocean 
waves  which  gives  an  endless  and  inexhaustible  supply 
and  which  is  cheap  and  always  reliable.  This  means  of 
securing  power  is  utilized  the  entire  length  of  the  Pacific 
Ocean,  Atlantic  Ocean  and  on  all  the  Great  Lakes,  Chi- 
cago being  the  first  city  to  try  the  experiment  from  the 
waters  of  Lake  Michigan. 

"This  discovery  has  had  the  good  effect  of  making  it 
possible  to  properly  conserve  the  nations  water  supply  and 
has  created  a  new  industry.  Irrigation  by  means  of  huge 
air  tanks  filled  with  water  and  allowed  to  rain  upon 
parched  spots  is  the  present  method  of  irrigating  and  it 
works  wondrously  well." 


CHAPTER  VI. 


THE  little  old  lady  began  to  chuckle  to  herself 
and  explained  the  occasion  for  her  hilarity. 
She  was  reminded  of  some  more  stories  which 
she  would  relate  after  she  read  me  a  few  more  of  the 
signs  that  could  be  seen  on  Morrison  Street  in  A.  D. 
1999. 

"There  is  Jaeger  Brothers,  jewelers,  G.  Heitkemper,  in 
the  same  business.  BufTum  &  Pendleton's  kin  are  located 
on  Morrison  Street  and  are  conducting  a  general  hat  and 
clothing  store. 

"The  name  Honeyman  is  quite  in  evidence  in  various 
parts  of  the  city  whose  antecedents  are  old  Portland  stock. 

"The  name  Gill  is  seen  in  three  different  parts  of  the 
city,  and  all  are  engaged  in  the  book  and  stationery  busi- 
ness. 

"L.  Mayer's  descendants  are  engaged  in  a  wholesale 
grocery  business  away  up  town  and  are  prosperous. 

"Harold  Von  Stein  Hansen  is  an  enthusiastic  leader  of 
the  Socialist  party,  his  great  grandfather  being  one  of 
the  leaders  of  that  party  in  the  early  1900's. 

"There  are  a  couple  of  gentlemen  in  business  whose 
progenitors  were  favorably  known.  I  refer  to  Messrs. 
Kraner  &  Stose,  whose  names  appear  on  a  sign  on  Morri- 
son Street. 

"Strange  to  say  Broadway  is  the  leading  street  of  the 
city.  The  cutting  away  of  the  Seventh  Street  hill  and  the 
three  bridges  connecting  Portland  with  the  State  of  Wash- 
ington has  been  a  factor  in  the  upbuilding  of  this  thor- 
oughfare. 

"Many  newcomers  are  in  business  on  this  street  and  the 
names  would  be  strange  to  you." 

30 


CHAPTER  VII. 

MORE  DENOUEMENTS 

BY  this  time,  the  old  lady  had  finished  her  memo- 
randa, and  she  now  produced  a  small  book  which 
seemed  to  contain  much  data. 

"I  have  not  tried  to  adopt  any  system  in  regaling  you 
with  my  story,  but  have  taken  it  up  by  piece-meal,  believ- 
ing that  it  would  be  of  more  interest  and,  if  you  do  not 
object,  I  will  continue  in  the  same  way." 

I  assured  her  that  I  was  very  deeply  interested  and  that 
the  story  would  be  received  with  much  delight  by  all  and 
begged  that  she  proceed  in  her  own  good  way. 

"For  50  years  prior  to  the  present  date,  the  subject  of 
cremation  has  been  vigorously  discussed  both  by  press 
and  pulpit  and  now  the  people  are  ready  to  give  up  their 
ancient  pagan  ideas  of  burying  the  dead  and  have  adopted 
the  cleaner,  and  more  economical  method  of  cremation. 
Cemeteries  have  been  turned  into  play  grounds,  tomb- 
stones removed  and  no  vestige  of  the  former  gruesome 
abode  of  the  dead  is  visible. 

"This  new  order  of  disposing  of  those  who  have  passed 
away  was  at  first  very  bitterly  opposed  by  members  of 
some  of  the  orthodox  churches,  but  the  innovation  was 
finally  conceded  to  be  right  and  that  it  did  not  conflict 
with  the  teachings  of  any  church  and  it  has  become  the 
general  custom. 

"A  favorite  way  of  disposing  of  the  ashes  is  to  take 
them  up  in  an  air  vehicle  out  over  the  Pacific  Ocean 
where  the  urn  is  emptied  and  the  ashes  carried  away  by 
the  four  winds. 

"It  is  strange  how  some  people  want  the  whole  earth 
and  would  like  to  have  it  fenced  off,"  pursued  the  old 


32 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 

lady.  "When  the  science  of  practical,  safe  and  easy  air 
travel  became  fully  demonstrated  some  property  owners 
had  the  audacity  to  erect  a  sign  on  their  buildings  warn- 
ing all  flying  machines  from  trespassing  over  their 
property. 

"One  prominent  lawyer  who  owns  property  down  on 
First  Street  was  one  who  objected  to  having  his  space 
invaded  by  flying  machines.  He  was  asked  how  high  in 
the  air  he  owned  and  replied,  'Clear  up  to  the  sky/ 

"In  carrying  out  this  idea,  a  railroad  company  recently 
petitioned  the  City  Commissioners  to  give  them  an  un- 
disturbed and  sole  privilege  of  all  space  in  the  air  up 
Seventh  Street  from  the  height  of  100  feet  to  500  feet 
and  excluding  all  other  air  vehicles  from  trespassing  on 
this  'right  of  way'  up  Seventh  to  Grant  and  over  the 
Broadway  bridge.  I  am  glad  to  say  the  City  Commis- 
sioners declined  this  arbitrary  spoliation  of  God's  free 
air  and  the  franchise  was  refused." 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

POLITICS  DISCUSSED. 

I'D  like  to  know  a  little  something  about  the  politics 
of  the  city  and  state,"  I  remarked,  as  the  little  old 
woman  came  to  a  halt. 

"Well,  there  is  lots  to  tell  you  about  that,"  she  replied. 
"Take  it,  for  instance,  we  are  going  to  have  an  election  for 
governor  next  year,  in  A.  D.  2000,  and  there  are  but  two 
tickets  in  the  field,  one  is  the  Progressives  and  the  other 
the  Socialists. 

"A  man  named  Dan  Kellaher  is  candidate  on  the  Pro- 
gressive ticket  and  I  think  he  is  connected  with  the  fa- 
mous Dan  Kellaher  of  the  early  1900's,  but,"  and  here  the 
old  lady  smiled,  "we  don't  think  that  he  will  be  elected  and 
one  reason  is  because  he  fails  to  be  able  to  demonstrate  or 
tell  his  constituents  how  it  is  possible  for  a  man  to  ride  67 
miles  for  5  cents  by  the  transfer  system  over  a  metropoli- 
tan street  car  line. 

"Ralph  Clyde,  grandson  of  the  boy  who  did  not  get  ap- 
pointed candy  inspector,  because  his  father  was  not 
elected  City  Cmmissioner  in  1913,  is  running  for  Gover- 
nor on  the  Socialist  ticket  and  everybody  in  the  state  is 
aware  that  he  is  in  the  race,  judging  from  the  stacks  of 
printing  turned  out  at  his  grandfather's  office  bearing 
his  slogan. 

"I  notice  that  the  name  of  Nat  Bird  appears  as  a  candi- 
date for  sheriff,  but  that  very  same  thing  has  been  going 
on  for  125  years  and  I  could  not  tell  if  he  is  the  fourth 
or  fifth  of  that  generation,  aspiring  for  the  same  office. 

"It  is  not  considered  good  form  for  anyone  to  propose 
himself  for  office  any  more  and  it  is  rather  the  idea  of 

33 


34 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 

the  office  seeking  the  man  more  than  it  is  the  man  run- 
ning after  the  office. 

"Billiard  and  pool  tables  continue  to  be  a  favorite  pas- 
time with  the  young  man  around  town,  but  ivory  balls  are 
no  longer  available  on  account  of  the  scarcity  of  elephants 
which  makes  the  use  of  ivory  as  billiard  balls  prohibitive. 
A  very  good  substitute,  however,  has  been  found  to  take 
the  place  of  the  ivory  ball. 

"I  notice  that  the  Oregonian  came  out  a  few  days  ago 
and  asked  the  question  as  to  who  were  the  three  greatest 
presidents  and  who  do  you  think  the  preponderance  of 
opinion  fell  to?  I'll  tell  you.  Washington,  of  course, 
was  the  first,  always  first  in  war,  etc.  Then  Lincoln  was 
second  and  Grover  Cleveland  was  third.  I  tell  you  this 
will  greatly  interest  your  people. 

"I  forgot  to  tell  you  that  we  had  a  heavenly  visitor  re- 
cently. No,  it  was  not  the  reincarnation  of  any  of  the 
Apostles,  but  just  another  visit  from  Halley's  comet.  It 
occurred  about  1985  and  was  a  very  brilliant  affair.  Some 
of  the  oldest  inhabitants  remembered  hearing  their  grand- 
parents telling  of  the  appearance  of  a  comet  along  about 
1910  and  files  of  the  Oregonian  of  that  year  were  pro- 
duced showing  photographs  of  Halley's  comet  as  it  ap- 
peared in  that  year  and  a  prophecy  that  it  would  come 
again  in  75  years.  There  being  well-founded  proofs  of 
its  previous  harmless  appearance,  the  comet  did  not  dis- 
turb the  people  and  its  visit  was  enjoyed  and  all  were 
sorry  that  they  would  in  all  probability  never  see  It  again 
as  its  next  scheduled  time  is  A.  D.  2060." 


CHAPTER  IX. 

STRANGE  OCCURRENCES. 

"Henceforth  my  heart  shall  sigh  no  more, 
For  olden  times  and  holier  Ashore, 
God's  love  and  blessing  then  and  there, 
Are  now  and  here  and  everywhere." 

MUST  tell  you  of  several  most  wonderful  occur- 
rences which  have  taken  place  since  1913,"  con- 
tinued the  old  lady  looking  at  some  papers  which 
she  held  in  her  hand. 

"It  was  deemed  necessary,  about  the  year  1951  to  in- 
crease the  water  supply  for  the  City  of  Portland  and  it 
was  ascertained  that  the  conditions  at  Mount  Hood  for- 
bade looking"  to  that  place  for  a  greater  supply  and  it  was 
decided  to  utilize  the,  as  yet,  great  and  untouched 
abundance  of  water  offered  by  Mount  St.  Helens,  and 
three  years  later  the  pipe  line  was  completed,  and  water 
from  beautiful  St.  Helens  was  turned  into  the  new  and 
immense  reservoirs  constructed  for  the  ever-increasing 
population. 

"It  was  fortunate  for  the  city  that  this  new  supply  was 
projected  and  consummated  just  at  this  time  for  it  was 
but  a  year  later  that  Mt.  Hood,  which  had  been  'groan- 
ing' for  some  time  began  to  belch  forth  from  its  intes- 
tines a  mass  of  smoke  and  lava  which  bared  the  moun- 
tain of  snow  and  caused  much  consternation  among  our 
people.  The  volcano  continued  active  for  several  weeks, 
at  intervals,  finally  entirely  subsiding  and  it  has  been  on 
its  good  behavior  now  for  25  years.  Repairs  were  made 
to  the  pipe  line  and  Portland,  today,  is  getting  a  portion 
of  its  water  supply  from  Mt.  Hood  as  of  yore. 

35 


36 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 

"The  radical  changes  in  the  methods  of  railroading  have 
caused  a  new  era  in  locomotion  and  rolling  stock.  Steam 
gave  way  to  gasoline  and  that  energy  to  electricity  which 
held  sway  for  a  long  time  only  to  be  replaced  by  a  newer 
power,  which  is  not  as  yet  given  out  to  the  public. 

"The  O.  W.  R.  &  N.  Company  now  occupy  a  building 
of  their  own,  20  stories  high,  and  I  notice  the  names  of 
Cotton,  Sutherland,  O'Brien,  Campbell,  Buckley,  Klippel, 
are  still  on  the  official  list,  all  of  whom  are  descendants 
of  the  officials  who  served  the  company  earlier  in  the 
century. 

"The  old  Wells,  Fargo  &  Company's  building  still 
stands  and  that  express  company  occupies  the  entire  struc- 
ture with  no  rooms  to  spare. 

"The  Hasty  Messenger  &  Express  Company,  founded 
in  1899,  is  celebrating  its  100th  anniversary,  its  manager 
being  Napoleon  Traverso,  whose  progenitor  was  con- 
nected with  the  company  in  1910. 

"There  has  been  a  wonderful  improvement  in  the  pres- 
ent-day typewriters.  As  I  mentioned  earlier  in  my  story, 
there  is  now  a  universal  language  with  but  8,000  words. 
Of  this  number  about  1,000  is  all  sufficient  for  an  ordi- 
nary person  and  the  genius  of  the  inventor  has  reduced 
to  a  combination  these  1,000  words  in  such  a  manner, 
that  it  is  possible  for  a  good  operator  to  copy  a  sermon, 
or  lecture,  with  ease,  on  the  typewriter,  from  the  most 
rapid  talking  orator. 

"The  sphere  of  usefulness  of  the  phonograph  has  wid- 
ened and  it  is  now  'A  thing  of  joy  forever.'  It  seems 
that  this  splendid  instrument  is  now  gifted  with  almost 
human  intelligence.  Take  for  instance,  an  item  cut  from 
a  daily  paper  and  paste  it  on  the  cylinder,  or  disc,  and 
without  further  preparation,  a  voice  will  read  off  the  item 


STRANGE  OCCURRENCES  37 

to  you  in  a  plain,  clear  tone.  Paste  on  the  disc,  the  'In- 
dex of  today's  news'  from  your  morning  paper  and  start 
it  going  and  the  items  are  read  off  to  you  correctly  and 
in  good  voice.  Do  you  wonder  then  that  I  call  this  a 
great  age?"  and  a  pleased  smile  came  to  the  old  lady's 
countenance. 

"Many  splendid  brains  have  been  working  to  better  the 
methods  and  increase  the  value  and  usage  of  the  tele- 
phone, and  one  must  'hit  the  ball  and  hit  it  all  the  time' 
to  be  able  to  hold  an  official  position  with  a  telephone 
company.  The  result  of  these  efforts  have  put  the  tele- 
phone to  varied  uses.  You  can  now,  not  only  talk  to  a 
person  over  a  wire,  but  you  can  actually  see  them,  life 
size  and  just  as  they  are,  exactly  as  if  you  were  talking 
to  them  face  to  face. 

"Telephones  are  everywhere,  but  there  are  no  longer 
any  'Centrals'  and  no  more  'Number,  please,'  is  heard, 
that  system  becoming  unpopular  about  1925.  Public 
telephones  are  established  on  each  street  corner,  where 
one  may  call  up,  talk  to  and  see  the  person  who  answers 
the  phone. 

"Much  telephoning  is  now  being  done  by  wireless  and 
that  branch  of  the  service  has  developed  greatly  and  is 
used  to  communicate  with  aerial  vehicles.  This  service 
has  been  perfected,  many  former  objectionable  features 
being  eliminated  or  overcome. 

"I  am  about  to  relate  an  occurrence  which  is  by  far  the 
most  wonderful  I  have  yet  told  and  it  is  a  phenomena 
which  startled  the  world,  making  the  superstitious  quake, 
and  bringing  alarm  to  many  nervous  people. 

"You  know  that  it  was  in  1912  that  the  ill-fated  Captain 
Scott  planted  the  flag  at  the  South  Pole,  losing  his  valu- 
able life  in  the  'get  away.' 


38 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 

"Ice  was  forming  at  the  South  Pole,  each  year  en- 
croaching more  and  more  towards  the  north  and  some 
alleged  scientific  men  predicted  that  the  time  would  surely 
come  when  the  ice  deposit  at  the  South  Pole  would  be- 
come so  great  and  the  weight  so  heavy,  that  it  would 
result  in  throwing  the  earth  off  its  present  axis,  probably 
tipping  up  old  Mother  Earth  and  reversing  the  positions 
of  the  Equator  and  the  Poles. 

"As  the  century  rolled  on  this  doctrine  became  much 
talked  about  and  many  extravagant  speculations  were 
made  as  to  the  exact  time  when  the  catastrophe  would 
take  place,  the  most  advantageous  country  to  emigrate  to 
in  order  to  insure  safety,  and  business  generally  was  much 
disturbed.  It  was  difficult  to  sell  or  hypothecate  any  real 
estate,  and  money  and  jewels  were  considered  of  doubtful 
value.  Continued  cold  weather,  far  into  the  summer 
months,  was  the  usual  occurrence  for  several  years  and 
devastating  rains  fell  upon  the  earth.  Street  preaching 
was  the  order  of  the  day,  and  at  every  corner  an  earnest 
man  or  woman  held  an  interested  crowd  discussing  the 
Last  Day,  which  they  assured  the  listeners  was  near  at 
hand.  Many  people  gave  away  their  entire  worldly  pos- 
sessions and  essayed  to  get  their  soul  ready  for  its  eternal 
flight.  As  the  days  passed  by  the  excitement  increased, 
and  aerial  voyages  to  the  South  Pole  were  planned  and 
executed  by  thousands  of  people  in  their  air  machines.  In 
former  days  it  was  a  fad  to  take  a  trip  around  the  world 
latitudinally,  but  now  all  these  tourists  wanted  to  go  the 
other  way  of  the  stuff,  and  make  the  journey  longitudi- 
nally, crossing  the  Frigid,  Temperate  and  Torrid  zones, 
North  and  South  poles,  and  the  journey  was  completed, 
by  some,  in  less  than  20  days.  The  reports  given  out  by 
these  travelers  were  not  encouraging  and  much  distress 
of  mind  was  manifest. 


STRANGE  OCCURRENCES 39 

"One  day  a  report  came  that  the  South  Pole  was  in 
process  of  eruption  and  that  the  ice  was  beginning  to 
move.  This  announcement  spread  dismay  on  all  sides, 
many  now  accepting  the  evil  prognostications  as  being 
true,  and  the  excitement  was  intense.  The  street  preach- 
ing became  more  general  but  this  merely  increased  the 
agitation.  One  preacher,  a  benevolent  looking  gentleman, 
who  was  very  much  at  ease  during  all  this  disturbing 
period,  seemed  to  be  able  to  quiet  the  fears  of  the  people 
by  simply  stating  that  God  was  present  everywhere,  and 
he  would  sing  a  hymn  with  that  title.  His  singing  and 
talks  were  very  comforting  to  many  who  listened  to  his 
words  and  they  patiently  waited  for  what  was  to  come. 

"The  eruptions  continued  and  every  day  or  two  more 
volcanoes  appeared,  throwing  up  steam  and  lava,  break- 
ing up  and  displacing  the  ice  which  now  began  to  move 
Northward.  The  huge  mass  was  reported  to  look  very 
threatening  and  the  many  photographs  taken  of  the 
phenomena  only  produced  more  excitement.  For  days 
this  situation  continued,  and  now  the  ice  was  fast  disap- 
pearing at  the  South  Pole  and  it  was  also  melting  in  the 
ocean  as  it  proceeded  north  to  the  fiftieth  degree.  Dis- 
astrous storms  ensued  and  the  Western  hemisphere  was 
deluged,  but  the  ice  was  melting  rapidly  under  the  fire  of 
a  dozen  active  volcanoes.  Reports  from  the  South  Pole 
were  growing  more  encouraging  and  people  were  again 
taking  heart  when,  one  day,  the  Department  of  the  In- 
terior announced  that  all  danger  was  over.  Then  there 
was  rejoicing,  the  like  of  which  never  before  shook  the 
earth. 

"Of  course,  the  return  to  common  sense  was  marked  by 
many  humorous  occurrences.  The  people  who  showed 
the  most  trepidation  and  who  gave  away  all  their  earthly 
possessions,  played  the  Indian  act  and  wanted  their 


40 PORTLAND,  OREGON,  A.  D.  1999 

presents  back.  Many  said  they  were  glad  to  begin  all 
over  again  to  accumulate  worldly  goods  and  the  person 
who  was  thanked  the  most  was  he  who  had  preached  of 
the  Omnipresence  of  God. 

"A  wonderful  lesson  had  been  taught  everybody  and 
that  epoch  marked  the  beginning  of  a  truer  brotherhood 
among  mankind." 

The  old  lady  paused,  and,  heaving  a  sigh,  exclaimed, 
"And,  now  my  story  is  done.  I  have  tried  to  illustrate  the 
utter  uselessness  of  borrowing  trouble  and  being  appre- 
hensive without  reason.  I  would  like  to  have  you  tell 
your  readers  that  it  is  my  advice  to  heed  the  words  of  the 
poet  prophet,  'Rest  in  the  Lord,  and  He  will  give  thee 
thy  heart's  desire.' 

"What  is  my  name,  you  ask?"  here  the  old  lady  sighed 
again. 

"I  cannot  tell  you  now,  but  some  day  you  will  know.  I 
hope  I  have  fulfilled  my  mission  and  accomplished  some 
good. 

"In  leaving  you  I  would  like  you  to  remember : 

"That  all  of  good  the  past  hath  had, 
Remains  to  make  our  own  time  glad, 
Our  common  daily  life  divine } 
And  every  land  a  Palestine" 

And  my  queer  little  visitor  disappeared. 


END  OF  PART  I. 


PART  II. 

OTHER  SKETCHES 


THE  BAD  MAN  FROM  BODIE 

IT  WAS  not  a  prepossessing  face  that  entered  Jack 
Hamlin's  office  one  morning  in  Bodie,  California. 
"I  say,  young  fellow,  my  name  is  Jim  Slack,  and 
I  want  ter  talk  ter  you." 

"All  right,  go  ahead,  and  I'll  try  and  be  a  cheerful  list- 
ener," responded  Jack. 

"I'm  looking  for  a  pardner  and  it  struck  me  that  you'd 
be  the  right  feller  for  the  job,"  and  the  visitor  tried  to 
smile  a  persuasive  smile,  but  the  attempt  was  a  failure. 
The  scar  which  began  at  his  ear  and  extended  down  to 
his  throat  was  unbecoming,  and  his  right  ear  which 
looked  as  if  a  bite  had  been  taken  from  it  gave  his  head 
a  one-sided  appearance.  His  eyes  possessed  a  shifty,  un- 
certain look,  his  beard  was  of  a  reddish  hue  and  two 
weeks'  growth.  His  clothes  were  ragged,  ill-fitting  and 
dirty. 

Fastidious  Jack  Hamlin  took  his  visitor  in  at  a  glance 
and  laughed. 

"So,  you'd  like  me  for  a  partner,  would  you?" 

"Yes,  I  heard  as  how  you  were  a  spikilator  like,  and  I 
want  ter  give  yer  a  chance  ter  git  rich  quick."  He  con- 
tinued, "I  am  the  owner  of  some  of  the  most  valyable 
claims  in  the  Lundy  deestrict ;  I  own  the  Sheepherder,  the 
Dutchman,  the  Julia  Lundy  and  some  other  valyable 
prospects.  I  want  yer  to  grub  stake  me  and  one-half  of 
all  I  own  is  yers."  Here  the  visitor  gave  Jack  a  furtive 
side  glance,  but  presently  looked  away. 

"So,  I  have  the  pleasure  of  talking  to  the  honorable 
James  Slack  of  whom  I  have  heard  so  much  and  I  am 

43 


44  OTHER  SKETCHES 


further  honored  by  being  invited  to  become  his  partner, 
for  the  mere  pittance  of  a  grub  stake  ?"  And  Jack  laughed 
a  merry  laugh  which  did  not  please  Slack.  "You  are  the 
man  that  has  several  scalps  already  attached  to  your  belt 
and  you'd  probably  like  to  add  mine  to  the  collection, 
eh?" 

Jim  Slack  winced  under  these  insinuations,  but  he  was 
hungry  and  he  diplomatically  kept  his  temper. 

"Those  were  all  accidents  and  they  never  could  prove 
it  different,"  sullenly  replied  Slack.  "I  did  not  come  here 
to  be  joshed,  but  ter  give  yer  a  chance  ter  get  rich  quick." 

"Very  kind,  indeed;  here,  take  this  and  go  and  get  a 
square  meal,  I  think  you'll  enjoy  that,"  and  Jack  tossed  a 
gold  piece  to  his  caller.  "Come  again  and  we'll  talk  the 
matter  over,"  and  Jack  returned  to  his  work. 

Jim  Slack  was  probably  the  worst  character  in  Mono 
county.  He  had  been  suspected  of  stage  robbery,  but  so 
clever  was  his  disguise  that  he  could  not  be  convicted. 
It  was  known  that  he  had  killed  three  men,  an  Irishman, 
a  German,  and  a  Chinaman,  but  he  managed  to  save  his 
neck  through  some  legal  quibble.  When  he  was  drinking, 
he  would  become  almost  a  demon  and  assail  friend  or 
foe,  if  thwarted. 

Jack  Hamlin  had  made  several  thousand  dollars  about 
this  time  in  mining  speculations,  and  the  money  troubled 
him.  He  was  never  cut  out  to  be  an  accumulator  and 
money  burnt  a  hole  in  his  pocket. 

"I  believe  I'll  take  a  chance  with  you,"  he  said,  when 
Slack  returned,  "but  I  want  a  straight  out  and  out  deal. 
Go  over  and  have  Tom  Stephens  draw  up  the  papers  and 
I'll  arrange  the  credit  for  you  at  the  store." 

No  time  was  lost  by  Slack  in  obeying  orders,  and  the 
next  morning  he  started  for  his  mines  in  the  high  Sierras 
with  an  outfit,  the  like  of  which  he  never  before  enjoyed. 


THE  BAD  MAN  FROM  BODIE 45 

He  swore  everlasting  fealty  to  Hamlin,  but  the  latter 
waived  all  this  "cheap  talk,"  as  he  called  it,  telling-  Slack 
he  expected  to  hear  good  reports  from  him 

Two  months  passed  by,  and  a  visit  was  projected  by 
his  new  partner  to  Slack's  mines.  The  latter  came  down 
from  his  eyrie,  the  twain  meeting  at  Lundy,  a  little  camp 
at  the  base  of  the  mountain. 

In  drawing  up  the  contract,  Jim  Slack  had  agreed  to 
cut  out  liquor,  and  much  stress  was  placed  upon  this  part 
of  the  agreement. 

It  was  quite  late  in  the  evening  when  Jack  and  his  com- 
rade started  up  the  mountain  for  the  mines.  The  location 
was  far  above  the  timber  belt  and  in  a  spot  of  almost  ever- 
lasting snow. 

It  was  too  dark  to  make  any  inspection  of  the  mines 
that  evening  and  a  log  fire  was  speedily  burning  for  the 
weather  was  very  cold  on  this  July  evening. 

The  bed  was  uninviting,  composed  mostly  of  wild 
beasts'  skins,  the  odor  of  which  was  strong  and  lingering. 

To  Jack's  surprise  the  first  act  of  his  host  was  to 
produce  a  whiskey  bottle  which  he  placed  to  his  mouth, 
taking  a  long  swig,  offering  the  same  to  Hamlin. 

"No,  thank  you,"  said  Jack,  "I  don't  like  your  brand." 

"Good  shot,  that  leaves  the  more  for  me,"  and  the 
miner  took  another  big  swig. 

Quiet  reigned  for  a  few  minutes,  when  suddenly,  with 
a  demoniacal  yell,  Slack  drew  his  gun  and  aiming  it  at 
one  of  the  windows,  emptied  the  six  shots  in  as  many 
seconds,  crying  out,  "I  got  him  then,  didn't  you  see  him? 
It  was  Paddy  Mann,  whom  they  say  I  killed  last  year. 
There,  I  saw  him  tumble  over  the  cliff,"  and  the  now 
thoroughly  drunken  man  shrieked  with  laughter. 

Another  libation  was  indulged  in,  and  looking  at  the 
other  window  Slack  shuddered,  exclaiming,  "Ah,  there  is 


46  OTHER  SKETCHES 


the  Dutchman  after  me;  what  does  he  want?  Let  me 
take  a  pop  at  him,"  and  again  was  the  revolver  emptied 
into  the  window,  provoking  much  maudlin  merriment 
from  the  gunner. 

HamKn  laid  quietly  in  bed  all  this  time,  feeling  a  sense 
of  more  security  by  so  doing,  but  on  the  alert  with  his 
own  gun  if  it  became  necessary  to  defend  himself. 

The  bottle  was  again  produced  and  the  liquor  went 
gurgling  down  Slack's  throat.  "That  was  Hans  Schmidt 
that  I  finished.  What  was  he  doing  around  here,  do  you 
suppose  ?" 

"Hold  on,  hold  on/'  he  shrieked,  "here  comes  Ah  Lim, 
the  Chinaman,  I  can  see  him  dodging  behind  the  rocks; 
let  me  go  out  and  pepper  him." 

Six  shots  again  rang  out  in  the  air,  and  throwing  him- 
self on  the  ill-smelling  bed,  Slack  pulled  one  of  the  skins 
over  his  head  to  shut  out  the  gruesome  sight  his  imagina- 
tion had  conjured  up. 

"That  Chinaman  ought  to  know  better  'n  to  come  round 
this  yere  cabin.  I  told  him  so,  but  he,  too,  has  fallen 
over  the  slide  and  I'll  never  be  bothered  by  him.  They 
been  coming  purty  thick  tonight,  but  I've  done  a  good 
job,  and  now  I'll  have  another  drink." 

The  big  bottle  was  nearly  emptied  and  Slack  again 
threw  himself  on  the  bed,  apparently  oblivious  of  Jack's 
presence. 

After  a  few  moments  of  quiet,  the  drunken  man  fell 
into  a  stupor,  snoring  heavily.  Hamlin  saw  his  chance 
to  escape,  but  he  realized  that  he  was  taking  desperate 
chances.  Were  he  to  inadvertantly  awaken  the  sleeper, 
he  might  be  number  four. 

Patiently  waiting  till  the  sleeper  gave  evidence  of  being 
soundly  at  rest,  he  made  for  the  door,  which  he  quickly 
opened  and  passed  out,  hastening  with  all  speed  for  the 
friendly  timber  a  quarter  of  a  mile  away. 


THE  BAD  MAN  FROM  BODIE 47 

The  night  was  clear,  the  moon  shining  brightly,  like  it 
does  in  the  lofty  Sierra  Nevada  Mountains,  and  Jack  had 
reached  the  timber  belt,  when  an  awful  shriek  rang  out 
upon  the  air,  followed  immediately  by  six  rapidly  fired 
shots.  Looking  backward,  the  tall  form  of  Jim  Slack 
could  be  seen  coming  down  the  snowy  trail,  and  Jack 
accelerated  his  own  speed.  Again  and  again  did  the  pur- 
suer empty  his  revolver  at  the  fleeing  Hamlin,  who  could 
not  hold  his  distance  against  this  man  of  the  mountains. 

The  forest  was  growing  thicker,  and  Jack  saw  his  only 
chance  for  escape  was  to  hide  from  his  pursuer,  so  dodged 
quickly  behind  a  huge  fir  tree,  just  as  a  sharp  bend  was 
made  in  the  road. 

With  bated  breath  he  waited  the  coming  of  his  pursuer 
who  passed  by  three  minutes  later,  gun  in  hand  and 
shrieking  and  cursing  like  a  demon. 

Jack  watched  him,  following  him  as  closely  as  he  dared, 
till  the  little  camp  of  Lundy  was  reached. 

Slack  pursued  his  way  to  the  hotel  bar  room,  which  was 
crowded  with  the  usual  habitues. 

It  will  always  remain  a  mystery  as  to  how  the  affair 
happened,  but  it  is  said  that  Jim  Slack  opened  fire  on  his 
old  enemy,  Ed  Clancy,  who  retreated,  only  to  reappear 
in  the  rear,  where  he  poured  a  volley  into  Slack.  The 
latter  fell,  and,  standing  over  the  dying  man,  Clancy 
emptied  his  second  gun  into  the  prostrate  body. 

The  magistrate  of  the  camp  was  a  witness  of  the  kill- 
ing, and  promptly  exonerated  Clancy  from  any  blame. 

The  following  telegram  was  put  on  the  wires  immedi- 
ately for  the  San  Francisco  papers. 

"James  Slack,  widely  known  as  the  'Bad  man  from 
Bodie,'  was  killed  in  a  pistol  fight  tonight  by  Edward 
Clancy.  The  killing  was  justifiable.  Slack  has  relatives 
in  San  Francisco/' 


48  OTHER  SKETCHES 


About  noon  on  the  following-  day  a  message  was  re- 
ceived by  the  postmaster  of  Lundy  reading: 

"San  Francisco,  California,  July  15. 
"Please  take  care  of  James  Slack's  body  till  my  ar- 
rival.   I  come  on  first  train.  Signed,  His  Mother." 

Four  days  later,  the  lumbering  stage  coach  drew  up  in 
front  of  the  hotel,  and  a  little,  old  lady  alighted.  She 
was  modestly  attired  and  possessed  a  sweet,  gentle  face. 

"I  am  Mrs.  Slack,  the  mother  of  James  Slack,  the  man 
who  was  killed  a  few  days  ago.  Where  will  I  find  his 
remains  ?" 

Every  hat  was  doffed  as  the  old  lady  passed  out  into 
the  back  room  where  laid  all  there  was  of  James  Slack. 

There  were  no  tears  in  her  eyes  as  she  stooped  down 
and  kissed  the  dead  man  on  the  forehead. 

"My  poor  little  Jimmie,"  she  murmured,  "my  poor 
little  Jimmie." 

It  was  decided  to  bury  the  remains  at  Lundy  and  a 
grave  had  already  been  dug  for  that  purpose,  over  which 
some  heartless  fellow  had  placed  a  head  board,  bearing 
the  following  inscription : 

"Jim  Slack,  the  toughest  cuss  in  all  Mono  diggin's." 

"This  here  don't  go,  I  tell  yer,"  said  big  Bill  Hall,  the 
hotel  man,  "and  this  is  what  I'll  do  with  sich  a  board," 
and  seizing  it  threw  it  over  the  Geiger  grade,  where  it 
went  clankety,  clankety,  clankety,  down  2,000  feet  to  the 
creek  below. 

"Who  can  sing  a  hymn  in  this  here  crowd?"  enquired 
Bill. 

"I  used  ter  know  a  couple  of  hymns  when  I  went  to 
Sunday  School,"  ventured  Dick  Byzicks,  and  one  or  two 
others  owned  up  that  they,  too,  knew  a  hymn  or  two  and 
the  volunteers  stepped  to  the  side  of  the  woods  to  re- 
hearse. 


THE  BAD  MAN  FROM  BODIE  49 

It  was  an  unusually  quiet  day  in  Lundy.  The  bar  room 
was  closed,  the  first  time  in  its  history.  Heads  were  un- 
covered as  the  little  cortege  proceeded  slowly  from  the 
hotel  to  the  newly  made  grave.  Jack  Hamlin  walked 
with  the  little  mother.  A  quartette  of  pretty  fair  voices 
sang  "Rock  of  Ages,"  and  "Nearer  My  God  to  Thee," 
Hamlin  read  a  few  passages  from  the  only  Bible  in  camp 
and  the  body  was  laid  at  rest. 

A  representative  from  the  May  Lundy  mine,  whose 
stockholders  lived  in  Calais,  Maine,  called  on  Mrs.  Slack, 
offering  her  $10,000  for  her  son's  prospects,  and  after  a 
little  negotiation,  the  deal,  was  consummated,  Jack  Ham- 
lin generously  waiving  his  partnership  rights  in  favor  of 
Mrs.  Slack. 

A  little  marble  monument  marks  the  last  resting  place 
of  Jim  Slack,  which  bears  the  following  legend  and  no 
mark  of  disrespect  has  ever  been  shown  the  grave : 

"Sacred  to  the  memory  of  James  Slack,  who  died  July 
15th,  A.  D.  18 — .  Erected  by  his  mother,  who  always 
loved  her  son." 


HE  NEVER  CAME  BACK 

WHILE  the  writer  was  on  a  long  journey  re- 
cently he  was  often  entertained  by  his  old 
friends  at  their  commercial  clubs  or  other 
hospitable  resorts  and  an  evening  of  genuine  enjoyment 
was  always  sure  to  ensue. 

At  Ashland,  Oregon,  Frank  Routledge,  the  genial 
manager  of  the  Western  Union  Telegraph  Company 
tendered  a  smoker,  at  which  were  present  some  30  tele- 
graph and  ex-telegraph  men,  all  glad  to  get  together  for 
an  evening. 

Story  telling  was  in  order,  and  as  most  of  the  guests 
present  had  traveled  a  good  deal  in  their  time,  the  tales 
told  covered  every  known  topic. 

"I'd  like  to  know  something  about  'Bogy,'  "  exclaimed 
George  Eubanks,  an  erstwhile  telegraph  man  and  now  a 
banker  of  Ashland.  "I  have  heard  so  much  about 
'Bogy's'  great  ability,  but  have  never  heard  it  corrobo- 
rated. Can  anyone  present  tell  me  if  it  is  really  so  that 
he  could  copy  50  words  behind,  all  night?" 

"Bogy"  was  a  character  whose  real  name  was  Henry 
Bogardus,  and  he  was  one  of  those  itinerant  operators 
who  are  never  content  to  remain  in  any  one  place  more 
than  a  week.  He  made  annual  pilgrimages  to  the  Pacific, 
and  in  his  peregrinations  would  become  acquainted  with 
most  every  railroad  operator  on  the  roads  that  he  tra- 
versed. "Bogy"  had  a  way  of  convincing  these  humble 
knights  of  the  key  that  he  was  a  most  extraordinary 
operator  which  impression  assisted  him  materially  in 
evading  the  inter-state  commerce  bill. 

It  was  up  to  the  writer  to  tell  a  story  about  "Bogy,"  as 
he  had  seen  him  later  than  any  of  the  rest  of  the  as- 
semblage. 


52  OTHER  SKETCHES 


About  the  year  1893,  "Bogy"  arrived  in  Portland,  and 
straightway  appealed  to  the  telegraph  manager  for  a  loan 
of  $1,  which  was  speedily  forthcoming,  for  nobody  could 
refuse  "Bogy." 

An  hour  or  so  later,  he  repaired  to  the  operating 
room,  where  he  sat  down  to  the  Walla  Walla  wire,  pro- 
ceeding to  get  off  business  on  the  double  quick. 

"Who  sent  for  you  and  what's  your  name?"  queried: 
the  chief  operator. 

"Oh,  that's  all  right,  young  fellow,  I'm  Bogy,  and  I 
refer  you  to  our  manager,"  and  the  imperturbable  artist 
proceeded  sending  to  Walla  Walla. 

The  manager  informed  the  chief  that  "Bogy"  was  all 
right,  that  if  he  did  no  good  he  would  do  no  harm,  and 
to  let  him  continue  his  work. 

"Bogy"  worked  all  day  and  evening  and  clear  up  into 
the  night,  only  stopping  when  there  was  nothing  left  for 
him  to  do. 

The  soft  side  of  a  bench  was  a  tempting  bed  for  this 
weary  traveler,  and,  as  he  liked  to  sleep  near  the  tick  of 
the  telegraph  instruments,  permission  was  granted  him  to 
take  the  bench  into  the  battery  room. 

Several  days  slipped  by,  "Bogy"  working  night  and  day. 
He  certainly  enjoyed  working ;  it  was  a  pastime  with  him. 

Saturday  came,  and  with  it  the  usual  pay-day  and 
"Bogy"  received  his  emoluments  with  the  rest  of  the  men. 

"I  want  you  on  at  6  P.  M.  tonight,"  said  the  chief 
operator,  "you  will  take  the  Associated  Press  news  to- 
night." 

"I'll  be  here  when  the  clock  strikes  6  and  I'm  going  to 
show  you  something  in  the  line  of  telegraphing  the  like 
of  which  has  never  been  performed  here  before,"  and 
"Bogy"  assumed  a  very  important  air. 

He  was  on  hand  promptly  and  sat  down  to  the  San 
Francisco  wire,  where  Billy  Williamson  was  displaying 


HE  NEVER  CAME  BACK 53 

his  musical  Morse.  It  was  coming  very  fast,  but  beautiful 
as  an  opera  to  listen  to. 

Picking  up  the  manifold  sheets,  he  discovered  the  car- 
bons were  not  straight  and  he  began  to  adjust  them,  San 
Francisco  sending  right  along. 

"I  say,"  began  the  night  chief,  "when  are  you  going  to 
start  in  to  copy  ?  You  are  now  100  words  behind." 

"Cease  from  annoying  me,  I  often  copy  300  and  400 
words  behind.  Now,  just  wait  till  I  locate  my  stylus  and 
I'll  show  you  what  no  other  man  can  do,"  and  "Bogy" 
began  a  search  for  the  missing  article. 

Williamson  had  now  sent  two  full  sheets  and  the  night 
chief  was  very  nervous  fearing  an  unlooked  for  denoue- 
ment, but  "Bogy"  was  impassive. 

The  missing  stylus  was  at  last  found  and  "he"  squared 
himself  for  his  grand  feat,  much  to  the  relief  of  the  very 
much  excited  night  chief.  Fully  400  words  had  now  been 
sent  but  "Bogy"  looked  wise. 

"I  say,  my  boy,"  addressing  the  night  chief,  "I'm  going 
out  for  a  few  minutes,  but  let  him  send  just  the  same.  I'll 
keep  it  all  in  my  head  till  I  get  back,  and  when  I  return 
you  will  see  something  in  the  way  of  telegraphing  that 
you  never  dreamed  of  before." 

Saying  this,  "Bogy"  went  out  into  the  dark  and — never 
returned." 


WHERE  DID  YOU  GET  THAT  OIL? 

THE  firm  of  Kelly,  Dunne  &  Co.  were  doing 
business  a  quarter  of  a  century  ago,  and  the 
junior  member  of  that  concern,  David  M. 
Dunne,  was  very  popular.  He  made  friends  and  treated 
them  right  and  they  were  staunch  and  loyal. 

The  Portland  Ice  Company  bought  a  great  deal  of  oil 
from  Mr.  Dunne,  and  notwithstanding  all  kinds  of  in- 
ducements, no  one  else  could  sell  oil  to  the  ice  company. 

The  foreman  of  the  ice  plant  swore  by  the  Kelly,  Dunne 
&  Co.  product  and  would  treat  with  much  brusquesness 
any  drummer  who  had  the  hardihood  to  come  to  him  to 
dispose  of  oil.  He  had  full  charge  of  the  works  and  was 
held  strictly  accountable  for  the  welfare  of  the  plant. 

Dr.  Charlie  Plummer,  who  was  manager  for  a  competi- 
tive house,  had  tried  in  vain  to  introduce  his  wares  but 
the  erratic  foreman  was  unswerving  in  his  loyalty  to 
Dunne. 

A  bright  young  man,  named  Tony  Neppach,  a  crack 
salesman,  was  employed  by  Plummer  and  it  was  Tony's 
duties  to  crack  all  the  hard  nuts. 

"I  want  }rou  to  go  to  the  Portland  Ice  Company  and 
sell  them  some  oil,"  said  Plummer  to  Neppach  one  day. 

"You  will  see  that  I  will  do  it,"  responded  Tony  and 
off  he  put. 

"Don't  come  around  here  with  your  oil,  I  don't  want  it 
and  I  don't  want  to  talk  to  you  on  the  subject.  I  am  satis- 
fied and  that's  all  there  is  to  it,"  vociferously  declared  the 
foreman. 

"Yes,  but  you  are  talking  to  an  oil  man  now  and  my 
oil  is  far  superior  to  the  stuff  you  have  been  using,"  re- 
plied the  placid  Tony. 

55 


56  OTHER  SKETCHES 


Much  talk  ensued,  Tony  protesting  that  the  foreman 
could  not  tell  the  difference  between  the  oil  he  was  using 
and  the  product  he  was  endeavoring  to  sell  and  offered  to 
set  up  the  cigars  for  the  crowd  if  he  could  tell  the  differ- 
ence, but  if  he  failed  to  tell,  then  the  foreman  was  to 
given  him  an  order  for  a  barrel  of  oil.  It  was  the  noon 
hour  and  some  50  men  were  witnessing  the  sale. 

When  the  offer  was  accepted,  Tony  turned  his  back  to 
the  foreman  and  produced  a  bottle  of  oil  from  his  coat 
pocket,  poured  a  little  in  each  hand  which  he  showed  the 
foreman,  ejaculating,  "Now,  tell  me  which  is  your  oil? 
and  which  is  mine." 

The  foreman  hesitated,  looking  at  one  hand  and  then 
the  other,  finally  touching  Tony's  left  hand,  triumphantly 
remarked,  "Why,  that  is  my  oil."  A  laugh  followed  this 
from  the  men  who  saw  how  the  oil  had  been  manipulated 
and  Tony  told  him  that  he  had  his  oil  in  both  hands. 

Neppach  received  an  order  for  a  barrel  which  greatly 
pleased  his  employer. 

Two  weeks  passed  by  and  Tony,  who  had  been  up  the 
Valley  on  a  business  trip,  thought  he  would  drop  in  at  the 
Portland  Ice  Company  before  reporting  to  his  house. 

Entering  the  machine  room  with  a  jaunty,  nonchalant 
air,  he  began  singing  in  a  high  pitched  voice,  "How  did 
you  like  my  oil  ?  How  did  you  like  my  oil  ?"  this  to  the 
tune  of  "Where  did  you  get  that  hat?" 

The  ice  plant  was  in  a  complete  state  of  chaos,  pipes 
being  torn  out  and  some  25  men  were  engaged  in  still] 
further  tearing  out  the  piping.  The  foreman  was  up  on 
a  high  ladder  assisting  in  the  demolishing  when  he  espied 
Tony. 

"There  he  is,  there  he  is,"  he  yelled  and  he  slid  down 
the  ladder,  approaching  the  drummer  with  a  formidable 
looking  monkey  wrench.  His  language  was  strong,  full! 


WHERE  DID  You  GET  THAT  OIL? 57 

of  epithets  and  he  swung  the  monkey  wrench  menacingly. 

Tony  picked  up  a  huge  rock  to  defend  himself,  retreat- 
ing backwards  to  the  door,  where  he  beat  his  way  to  the 
store  to  ascertain  the  cause  of  all  this  turbulent  demon- 
stration. 

"Oh,  that's  so,  you  have  been  away  and  did  not  hear 
about  it,"  said  the  undisturbed  Plummer.  "You  see,  one 
of  the  boys  made  a  mistake  and  sent  them  the  wrong  oil, 
in  fact,  it  was  some  oil  which  contained  a  good  deal  of 
lard  oil,  and  when  they  turned  in  the  cold  water  into  the 
pipes  it  cooled  off  the  lard  and  put  them  out  of  business." 

The  ice  company  lost  that  summer's  output  and  litiga- 
tion ensued,  which  helped  to  popularize  Dave  Dunne's 
wares  and  Tony  in  disgust  jumped  his  job. 

It  was  not  long  after  this  that  Neppach  was  engaged  by 
Nicolai  Bros,  as  manager  of  their  planing  mill  and  he  was 
given  full  charge  of  the  whole  business. 

Nicolai  Bros,  owned  some  land  down  around  Slabtown, 
a  piece  of  which  they  leased  to  a  Swede,  who  ran  a  saloon 
on  the  premises. 

The  Swede's  lease  for  three  years  was  about  to  expire 
and  as  he  was  doing  a  good  business  he  became  desirous 
to  lease  it  for  five  years  longer.  When  he  applied  to  the 
firm,  he  was  referred  to  Mr.  Neppach  as  the  proper  per- 
son to  negotiate  with. 

Tony  saw  him  coming  and  determined  to  have  a  little 
fun. 

Assuming  a  very  severe  air,  he  asked  the  Swede  whose 
beer  he  sold,  the  latter  explaining  that  he  had  made  a 
reputation  with  San  Francisco  beer.  "That  settles  it," 
exclaimed  Tony,  "you  can't  lease  from  us  unless  you  use 
the  home  product."  Some  important  business  at  this 
juncture  engaged  Neppach's  attention,  the  Swede  de- 
parted, and  the  incident  was  temporarily  forgotten. 


58  OTHER  SKETCHES 


A  month  later,  the  Swede  called  to  pay  his  rent  and 
announced  that  he  was  now  selling  Weinhard's  beer  and 
was  ready  for  the  lease. 

Tony  produced  a  blank  form  and  began  filling  it  out. 
He  dwelt  at  length  in  the  preamble  over  the  great  supe- 
riority of  Weinhard's  beer  over  every  known  com- 
petitor, and  in  each  sentence  would  have  something  to 
say  about  the  "Celebrated  Weinhard's  lager  beer."  He 
incorporated  in  the  lease  a  promise  from  the  Swede  that 
he  never  would  drink,  or  allow  any  of  his  friends  to  drink 
any  beverage,  excepting  the  world  famous  Weinhard's 
beer.  Never  before  or  since  has  there  been  such  an 
elaborate  lease  made  up  and  the  funny  part  is  that  the 
whole  matter  was  a  huge  joke. 

A  month  elapsed  and  Mr.  Weinhard  noticed  his  new 
customer.  He  had  been  seeking,  without  avail,  the 
Swede's  patronage,  but  here  he  was  now,  giving  good 
orders  without  any  solicitation. 

Mr.  Weinhard  determined  to  ascertain  the  reason  for 
this  change  of  heart.  The  Swede  informed  him  that  he 
was  obliged  to  patronize  him  in  order  to  retain  his  lease. 

"Would  you  mind  letting  me  see  that  lease?"  queried 
Mr.  Weinhard. 

There  being  no  objections  the  lease  was  sent  to  him 
for  his  perusal. 

No  one  will  ever  be  able  to  tell  what  passed  through 
the  brewer's  mind  as  he  read  the  uncommon  document, 
but  he  went  to  the  telephone  and  called  up  Nicolai 
Brothers. 

"I  want  to  speak  to  Mr.  Tony  Neppach." 

"That's  me,"  said  the  merry  Tony. 

"This  is  Henry  Weinhard  and  I  am  putting  up  a  build- 
ing on  the  corner  of  Fourth  and  Alder  Streets  and  I  want 
to  tell  you  that  you  can  have  all  the  mill  work  there,  with- 
out price.  Goodby,"  and  he  hung  up  the  phone. 

Thus  did  Tony  Neppach  have  his  little  joke,  and  his 
firm  reaped  an  unlocked  for  reward  for  the  same. 


A  GRAPEVINE  TELEGRAPH  LINE 

IT  WAS  the  Fourth  of  July,  1876,  and  the  City  of 
St.  Louis  was  celebrating  the  occasion  in  the  good 
old  way,  which  is  rapidly  becoming  merely  a  matter 
of  history. 

The  Atlantic  &  Pacific  Telegraph  Company  had  re- 
cently opened  an  office  in  the  Missouri  metropolis,  but 
the  facilities  were,  indeed,  very  meagre,  consisting  of  but 
one  wire  to  Chicago,  which  went  along  the  highways  and 
byways  the  entire  distance.  The  telegraph  company  did 
a  good  business,  the  wire  being  crowded  to  its  fullest 
capacity  day  and  night. 

The  advent  of  the  new  telegraph  company  had  brought 
into  existence  a  new  daily  paper,  the  Morning  Chronicle, 
which  came  to  fill  a  long  felt  want.  The  Chronicle  could 
be  supplied  with  press  dispatches,  a  matter  of  vital  mo- 
ment in  the  introduction  of  a  new  journal,  even  in  those 
days. 

On  the  afternoon  of  the  "glorious  Fourth"  some 
bucolic  individual  with  more  enthusiasm  than  good  sense, 
shot  off  several  insulators  near  Alton,  breaking  the  wire, 
and  as  the  linemen  were  off  duty  celebrating  the  day  the 
telegraph  company  was  put  out  of  business  pending  re- 
pairs. 

The  writer  was  the  night  operator  for  this  company  at 
St.  Louis  at  this  time,  and  while  regretting  the  unfortun- 
ate break  and  loss  to  the  company,  it  looked  like  there  was 
a  chance  for  a  holiday. 

The  Chronicle  was  informed  of  the  situation,  and  the 
telegraph  editor,  who  was  also  city  editor  and  writer  of 

59 


60  OTHER  SKETCHES 


heavy  editorials,  came  to  the  telegraph  office  to  discuss 
some  way  of  obtaining  some  press  dispatches. 

"You  can't  expect  to  get  any  dispatches  without  a  wire, 
and  there  is  absolutely  no  use  hoping  to  get  one  tonight," 
was  the  report  made  to  the  editor,  who  was  very  much 
chagrined.  He  said  he  was  up  against  it  and  he  could 
not  get  out  a  paper  unless  he  had  some  telegraph  news, 
and  what  was  he  to  do  ?  He  declined  allowing  the  office 
to  be  closed  up  till  the  regular  time,  hoping  against  hope 
that  the  wire  might  come  up. 

It  seemed  cruel  to  keep  a  person  from  enjoying  him- 
self on  the  occasion  of  the  nation's  Independence  day,  but 
there  was  nothing  to  do  but  to  remain  on  duty.  Every 
half  hour  the  editor  would  drop  in  to  ascertain  the  pros- 
pect and  it  was  really  pitiful  to  observe  how  disappointed 
he  was. 

It  grew  on  till  8  o'clock,  with  no  change  in  the  condi- 
tion of  the  wire. 

Hank  Cowan,  an  interesting  character,  a  fine  operator, 
but  given  to  drink,  stepped  into  the  office  to  borrow  four 
bits. 

"Come,  Hank,  I'll  make  it  a  dollar  if  you'll  give  me  a 
lift  for  an  hour." 

"All  right,"  replied  Hank,  "tell  me  what  to  do  for  I 
need  a  dollar  pretty  badly  tonight." 

Connection  was  made  from  the  manager's  private  office 
to  the  Chicago  table  and  I  began  calling  St.  Louis. 

"Take  that  fellow,  Hank,"  was  the  next  order,  and 
Cowan  sat  down  at  the  wire. 

I  was  doing  the  manipulating  at  the  key  in  the  man- 
ager's office  and  said,  "Here,  you  are,  I've  a  bunch  of 
press  report  for  you." 

"Go  ahead,"  said  Cowan  and  I  immediately  began  send- 
ing a  lot  of  fictitious  news. 

The  first  item  was  from  London  and  purported  to  be  a 
dispatch  from  Queen  Victoria  to  President  Grant,  felici- 


A  GRAPEVINE  TELEGRAPH  LINE  61 

tating  the  United  States  on  its  100th  anniversary.  This 
was  followed  by  one  of  similar  import  from  the  Czar  of 
Russia  and  the  Emperor  of  Germany.  A  graphic  descrip- 
tion of  the  day's  doings  in  New  York  City  was  next  put 
on  the  25-foot  wire,  Hank  Cowan  copying  it  in  a  big 
round  hand.  News  from  the  nation's  Capitol  came  next 
making  an  interesting  budget.  An  imaginary  steamboat 
explosion  on  the  Mississippi  River  came  next  in  order 
and  then  a  report  of  a  battle  in  some  one  of  the  Central 
American  States,  but  as  they  are  fighting  down  there  all 
the  time,  not  much  chance  was  taken  in  making  up  this 
story. 

A  report  from  Chicago  of  the  day's  proceedings  fol- 
lowed, a  big  fire  in  the  lumber  regions  of  Michigan,  and 
then  the  West  was  supposed  to  be  turned  on.  Omaha  re- 
ported some  Indian  depredations  in  the  Sioux  country, 
a  big  strike  in  the  Comstock  mines  at  Virginia  City,  loss 
of  a  steamer  at  sea  came  from  Victoria,  B.  C,  and  an  ac- 
count of  one  of  Denis  Kearney's  sandlot  speeches  to  his 
constituency  in  San  Francisco  was  given,  when  the  editor 
came  in. 

He  looked  over  the  "news"  with  a  gleeful  eye  and 
thanked  me  again  and  again  and  before  I  could  realize 
it,  walked  away  with  the  "stuff." 

I  gasped  as  I  thought  what  had  happened,  for  it  had 
been  my  intention  to  merely  have  some  fun  with  Cowan 
and  make  him  work  for  his  $1.00.  I  told  Hank  that  it 
was  me  and  not  Chicago  that  had  been  sending  to  him 
and  asked  his  advice  about  confessing  the  situation  to 
the  editor. 

"No,  let  him  print  it,  it's  good  stuff  and  no  one  in  St. 
Louis  will  know  the  difference,"  was  the  advice  I  got 
from  Cowan  and  as  he  was  much  older  and  experienced 
than  me,  his  advice  was  accepted. 


62  OTHER  SKETCHES 


There  was  no  more  news  sent  over  the  "short  line" 
after  this  and  we  locked  up  the  office  shortly  after. 

I  was  impatient  to  get  a  copy  of  the  St.  Louis  Chronicle 
the  next  morning,  and  there  were  all  my  dispatches,  only 
more  so,  for  the  intelligent  editor  had  freely  padded 
them  showing  that  he,  too,  was  quite  fertile  in  his 
imagination. 

Not  only  were  the  dispatches  printed,  but  editorial 
comment  was  made  on  the  Queen's  alleged  telegram  to 
President  Grant,  a  scathing  rebuke  was  given  Denis 
Kearney  and  his  followers,  attention  being  particularly 
called  to  the  item  from  San  Francisco,  in  "our  dis- 
patches." 

I  was  a  little  fidgety  for  a  few  days  but  as  time  went 
by  and  no  mention  was  made  of  the  hoax,  I  began  to 
take  more  courage  and  laugh  about  it. 

A  month  later,  I  resigned  to  come  West  and  'fessed  up 
to  the  manager  the  Fourth  of  July  joke.  When  the  enor- 
mity of  the  hoax  dawned  on  him,  he  laughed  loud  and 
hearty,  declaring  it  was  the  most  daring,  venturesome 
and  awful  joke  he  had  ever  heard.  I  was  freely  forgiven 
for  the  part  I  enacted,  but  the  story  was  not  told  to  the 
paper. 

This  incident  occurred  many  years  ago,  and  in  a  recent 
visit  to  St.  Louis,  I  looked  up  this  enterprising  editor, 
who  had  grown  rich  in  the  business. 

He  remembered  the  Fourth  of  July,  1876,  and  all  the 
circumstances,  but  when  I  related  the  story,  he  laughed 
so  heartily  that  he  declared  that  10  years  had  been  added 
to  his  life. 

It  would  be  impossible  in  this  day  and  generation  to 
successfully  carry  out  such  a  joke  as  is  just  related,  press 
dispatches  being  scrutinized  for  the  "bogus"  with  as  much 
zeal  by  the  diligent  telegraph  editor  as  he  would  a  bunch 
of  dollar  bills  in  quest  of  counterfeits.  And  so  it  hap- 
pened again  that  "All  is  well  that  ends  well." 


ALONG  THE  SHORE 

A~  DUT  a  dozen  years  ago,  B.  A.  Worthington 
was  appointed  superintendent  for  the  Pacific 
Coast  division  of  the  Southern  Pacific  Railroad, 
with  headquarters  at  San  Francisco. 

In  falling  heir  to  this  position,  Mr.  Worthington  also 
acquired  the  private  car  of  his  predecessor,  which  had 
been  named  the  "Texas."  It  was  agreed,  however,  that 
the  name  of  the  car  should  be  changed,  as  the  former 
superintendent  wanted  to  give  that  cognomen  to  his  new 
car  down  South. 

There  was  a  very  wealthy  railroad  man,  in  the  East, 
who  used  to  pay  a  member  of  his  family  $1,000  a  year, 
in  return  for  which  this  member  would  find  appropriate 
appellations  for  each  new  Pullman  car  turned  out  at  the 
shops. 

Not  feeling  justified  in  invoking  the  aid  of  such  an  ex- 
pensive person,  the  new  superintendent  decided  to  select  a 
name,  and  as  the  State  of  California  contains  many  poeti- 
cal names  to  draw  from,  the  time  card  for  the  Pacific 
division  was  consulted. 

Such  names  as  "Santa  Maria,"  "Santa  Margarita,"  etc., 
were  canvassed  and  rejected,  and  the  little  city  of  "Orilla" 
seemed  to  proffer  its  name. 

By  reference  to  a  Spanish  dictionary,  it  was  ascertained 
that  the  meaning  of  the  word  "Orilla"  was  defined, 
"Along  the  shore,"  and  as  the  name  was  poetical  enough 
and  as  his  line  of  railroad  ran  along  the  shore  of  the 
Pacific  Ocean,  he  determined  to  name  the  car,  "Orilla." 

This  was  a  flattering  tribute  to  the  town  of  Orilla,  and 
on  the  first  appearance  of  Mr.  Worthington's  car  in  that 

63 


64  OTHER  SKETCHES 


little  city,  the  populace  showed  their  appreciation  by  de- 
luging the  car  with  flowers. 

The  "Orilla"  had  been  refitted  throughout  and  was 
very  beautiful,  and  all  the  employes  of  the  road  hailed  its 
coming,  for  they  liked  to  see  it  and  the  popular  superin- 
tendent, but  there  are  contrary  spirits  the  whole  world 
over. 

One  night  the  superintendent,  with  his  private  car,  was 
coming  North,  attached  to  the  San  Francisco  flyer,  and 
stopped  for  a  few  minutes  at  San  Luis  Obispo,  where 
the  car  inspector  came  around  with  his  hammer  to  test  the 
wheels  of  each  car.  Another  functionary  was  also  on 
duty  to  take  the  number  or  names  of  each  car. 

"Look  yere,  Chimmie,  wot  is  dis  ?"  and  he  began  spell- 
ing out  "O  R  I  L  L  A."  "Begorrah,  that's  a  moighty 
funny  name." 

"Yes,  dat's  de  old  man's  private  snap"  (Mr.  Worthing- 
ton  was  35  years  old  at  this  time),  "and  he  calls  it 'Orilla'," 
was  the  other's  rejoinder. 

"'Orilla?'  'Orilla?'  begorrah  and  it  should  have  a 
'G'  in  front  of  it  and  I'm  going  to  put  one  there." 

A  can  of  black  paint  was  produced  and  quite  a  decent 
looking  letter  "G"  was  prefixed  to  the  car's  appellation, 
completely  changing  its  euphony. 

The  two  worthies  laughed  at  their  alleged  witticism 
and  the  "Gorilla"  went  Northward. 

From  his  window  in  the  middle  of  the  car  that  evening, 
Mr.  Worthington  was  a  witness  of  the  whole  occurrence, 
but  wisely  kept  silent.  He  realized  if  he  made  a  demon- 
stration, the  employes  would  have  a  laugh  on  him  and 
jokes  travel  fast  with  men  employed  on  a  railroad. 

Arriving  in  San  Francisco,  Mr.  Worthington  had  the 
car  put  up  immediately  in  the  shops  and  ordered  the  name 
erased  and  the  less  poetic  name  of  "Surf"  substituted. 


ALONG  THE  SHORE 


65 


Of  course,  surf  goes  along  the  shore,  so  virtually  the 
title  was  not  changed. 

The  jokers  at  San  Luis  Obispo  had  no  joke  after  all, 
and  probably  will  never  know,  unless  they  read  this  story, 
how  it  happened  that  B.  A.  Worthington  so  quickly 
changed  the  name  of  his  private  car. 


SHOWING  OFF 

SOME  six  or  seven  years  ago,  there  lived  in  Port- 
land, a  rather  notorious  young  chap,  named  Otto 
Prag.  He  was  a  messenger  boy,  private  detective, 
playwright,  actor,  candidate  for  councilman,  friend  to  the 
newsboys,  etc. 

About  1907,  he  went  to  Spokane,  where  he  pursued  his 
various  callings,  adding  that  of  candidate  for  United 
States  Senator  to  the  rest  of  his  business  qualifications. 
He,  however,  found  himself  "crushed"  in  his  vaunting 
ambition  and  he  took  up  the  collection  of  bad  debts  to 
gain  a  livelihood. 

Notwithstanding  the  fact  that  Arthur  Green  and  Harry 
Murphy  had  immortalized  the  name  of  Otto  Prag  in  the 
columns  of  the  Oregonian,  the  young  man  prevailed  upon 
the  Washington  Legislature  to  allow  him  to  adopt  the 
name  of  Arthur  Prague,  in  lieu  of  his  former  family 
cognomen. 

Arthur  Prague,  as  he  is  known  now  in  Spokane  became 
a  benedict  some  three  years  ago  and  is  now  the  proud 
father  of  a  very  lively  boy.  This  diminutive  little  chap  is 
very  interesting,  and  possessing  a  mercurial  nature, 
makes  the  fact  patent  that  he  is  in  existence. 

The  writer  was  recently  in  Spokane  for  a  few  days, 
and  ran  across  the  young  man  of  varied  occupations. 

"I  want  you  to  come  out  to  my  house  and  see  my  baby 
and  my  piano  and  take  dinner  with  me  and  my  wife,"  said 
the  ex-playwright.  "You  will  have  a  nice  time  and  I'll 
feed  you  well,  you  must  come." 

Yielding  to  these  importunities,  a  day  was  set  and  an 
automobile  took  us  to  the  Pragues. 


68  OTHER  SKETCHES 


Introductions  to  the  family  speedily  followed,  and  the 
baby,  Webster  by  name,  came  in  for  a  large  share  of  at- 
tention. He  was  dandled  and  tossed  in  the  air  till  he 
fairly  shrieked  with  joy. 

"Come,  let  me  show  you  my  $550  piano  and  my  $250 
phonograph.  And  here's  dinner,  too,  and  I'll  tell  you 
what  I  have  for  you  to  eat  today.  There  is  two  kinds  of 
soup,  oyster  and  consomme,  then  there  are  three  sirloin 
steaks,  some  ham  and  boulogne  sausage,  a  dozen  hard 
boiled  eggs,  tea,  coffee  and  milk,  there  is  three  kinds  of 
pie,  mince,  lemon  and  custard,  two  kinds  of  cake,  some 
canned  strawberries  and  peaches,  two  kinds  of  cheese, 
mashed  potatoes,  pickles,  chow  chow,  apple  sauce  and  ice 
cream  and  it  is  all  on  the  table  to  save  time." 

The  table  was  set  for  eight  persons,  but  there  were  only 
four  of  us  to  partake  of  this  banquet,  including  the  baby. 
Every  available  bit  of  space  on  the  table  was  covered  and 
there  was  enough  edibles  in  sight  to  feed  20  hungry 
laborers. 

Arthur  sat  at  the  head  of  the  table,  his  young  hopeful 
on  his  right  and  the  writer  at  the  foot,  the  little  wife 
flitting  around  to  add  a  little  more  to  her  already  elabo- 
rate dinner. 

"I  say,  Hazel,  I  want  to  have  our  guest  hear  our  $550 
piano,  please  play  us  some  rag  time  while  we  eat." 

There  was  no  use  protesting  and  the  dutiful  spouse  sat 
down  to  the  piano  and  began  to  play,  when  the  telephone 
rang  and  the  young  papa  went  out  to  answer  it. 

Little  wee  Webster  set  up  a  yell,  but  the  mother  was  so 
bent  on  her  rag  time  piece  that  she  did  not  notice  him. 

Involuntarily  the  writer's  hands  went  up  into  the  air, 
as  if  describing  the  tossing  up  with  which  he  had  been  in- 
dulging the  child.  This  was  invitation  enough  for  the 


SHOWING  OFF  69 


youngster,  who  started  for  the  other  end  of  the  table  re- 
gardless of  any  seeming  obstacles  in  the  way.  He  bounded 
out  of  his  high  chair,  plunking  his  fat  little  fists  into  the 
consomme,  one  foot  kicking  over  the  custard  pie.  Tea, 
coffee  and  milk  were  brushed  ruthlessly  aside,  the  dozen 
hard  boiled  eggs  met  an  ignominious  fate  on  the  floor  and 
the  apple  sauce  and  canned  berries  were  tipped  over. 
Halting  for  a  moment  in  the  middle  of  the  table  where  he 
squatted  in  the  center  of  three  sirloin  steaks,  he  proceeded 
to  his  journey's  end,  creating  havoc  and  destruction  in  his 
wake.  Everything  seemed  to  be  a  target  for  the  young- 
sters efforts,  and  just  as  he  was  about  to  spring  in  triumph 
into  his  guest's  arms,  both  parents  arrived  on  the  scene 
of  such  wanton  destruction.  The  boy  had  done  a  com- 
plete job  and  the  tempting  viands  of  a  few  moments  be- 
fore became  immediate  "candidates"  for  the  little  barrel 
furnished  by  the  garbage  man. 

Recriminations  between  the  "newly-weds"  and  apolo- 
gies for  Master  Webster's  rudeness  were  in  order,  but 
the  occurrence  was  so  humorous  that  the  whilom  guest 
is  still  enjoying  the  memories  of  the  untouched  dinner 
with  the  Prague  family. 


"KNIFIN'  DE  DOUGH" 

IN  THE  earlier  days  of  Oregon  the  State  Fair  at 
Salem  was  the  great  event  of  the  Fall's  doings,  and 
countryman  and  merchant  alike  contributed  by  their 
presence  to  make  the  fair  a  success.  It  was  a  week  when 
the  old  pioneer,  who  lived  in  the  Grand  Ronde  Valley 
would  expect  to  meet  his  former  neighbor  in  the  East, 
who,  perchance,  located  in  Yamhill  County  and,  railroads 
being  scarce,  old  Bob  and  Florrie  would  be  hitched  to 
the  prairie  schooner  that  bore  them  across  the  plains  years 
before,  to  participate  in  the  annual  gathering  in  Septem- 
ber at  Salem. 

More  people  came  from  Portland  in  those  days  than  at 
present,  notwithstanding  the  increased  population. 

There  were  no  bridges  across  the  Willamette  at  Port- 
land, and  ferry  boats  handled  with  ease  all  the  travel  be- 
tween the  East  and  the  West  Sides. 

Two  brothers  were  the  proprietors  of  one  of  these  ferry 
boats,  and  the  husbands  and  fathers  of  the  two  families 
indulgently  gave  over  the  proceeds  of  one  day's  collec- 
tion to  their  wives  and  children  to  spend  as  they  wished 
in  a  day's  outing  at  Salem.  Thursday  was  the  day  gen- 
erally selected  and  every  member  of  both  families  except- 
ing the  husbands  took  the  early  train  for  the  State  Fair. 

On  one  of  these  occasions,  along  about  1882  or  '83, 
the  members  of  both  families  were  a  little  slow  in  getting 
started,  and  Capt.  Robinson  brought  the  previous  day's 
collections,  a  good  sized  canvass  bag  full  of  silver  and 
some  gold  pieces  also,  to  the  train,  where  he  handed  it 
to  the  mothers  for  distribution  among  the  flock. 

"How  will  we  proceed  to  divide  the  money,"  was 
asked. 

71 


72  OTHER  SKETCHES 


"Why,  open  up  the  bag  and  take  out  a  dollar  and  I'll 
do  the  same."  Which  plan  was  agreed  upon. 

"Here's  four  bits  for  you  and  here's  four  bits  for  me. 
Now,  here's  a  dollar  for  you  and  here's  a  dollar  for  me, 
and  here  is  two  bits  for  you  and  here's  two  bits  for  me." 
Just  then  one  of  the  youngsters  pulled  on  his  mother's 
skirts,  and  down  tumbled  the  coin,  necessitating  a  new 
division. 

The  money  was  put  back  into  the  bag  and  the  same 
system  started  over  again,  only  to  be  found  impracticable. 

Several  gold  pieces  gleamed  in  the  bag,  one  being  a 
double  "sawbuck,"  as  Dixie  fantastically  described  it. 
There  appeared  to  be  no  end  to  the  disputes  arising,  when 
Conductor  Stroud  was  appealed  to  for  some  of  his  wis- 
dom in  aiding  a  settlement. 

The  conductor  had  a  merry  twinkle  in  his  eye  when  he 
suggested  that  he  would  be  fair  to  both  sides,  but  they 
must  agree  not  to  appeal  from  his  method  of  adjustment, 
which  was  readily  consented  to. 

Taking  the  bag  in  his  hands,  Mr.  Stroud  tied  up  the 
opening,  then  beginning  in  the  middle  he  worked  one-half 
of  the  coins  as  nearly  as  could  be  guessed  to  each  end 
which  left  a  place  in  the  middle  of  the  bag,  around  which 
he  securely  tied  a  string,  thus  making  two  compartments 
in  the  bag. 

"Now,  we  will  toss  up  a  copper  and  see  who  has  first 
choice." 

This  was  harmoniously  done  and  producing  a  huge 
pocket  knife,  the  bag  was  cut  in  two  at  the  point  where 
the  string  was  tied. 

"This  is  what  I  call  'Knifin'  de  dough,'  "  laughed  the 
jolly  conductor. 

Each  one  of  the  bairns  was  allowed  to  slip  his  or  her 
hand  in  the  bag  and  take  out  all  it  would  hold. 


'KNIFIN'  DE  DOUGH  73 


"I  wish  I  had  a  hand  like  a  ham,"  cried  Gordon. 

"Yes,  and  I  picked  out  the  double  eagle,"  triumphant- 
ly exclaimed  Miss  Dixie,  and  all  were  made  happy. 

Semi-annual  dividends  by  our  streetcar  systems  usually 

bring  gladness  to  the  already  bloated  stockholder,  but  they 

never  can  experience  the  exquisite  joy  that  these  two 

families  had  in  "Knifin'  de  dough"  on  their  annual  pil- 

•rimage  to  the  State  Fair. 


A  MUSICAL  ABORIGINE 

THE  train  from  the  East,  bearing  a  long  string  of 
loaded  coaches,  had  stopped  at  Wallula  for  din- 
ner and  amid  the  din  of  the  sounding  gong  in  the 
hand  of  a  burly  negro,  the  passengers  alighted  to  partake 
of  the  Willis'  bill  of  fare.  This  was  an  important  hour 
in  the  day  for  the  little  band  of  Umatilla  Indians  who 
gathered  around  the  station  to  sell  their  curios  to  the 
tenderfoot  passenger. 

The  captain  of  these  remnants  of  a  once  mighty  nation 
was  Hawkeye,  a  fine  specimen  of  the  Indian  genus  homo. 
Hawkeye  leaned  on  the  corner  of  the  station  dressed  in  a 
becoming  Indian  garb,  looking  every  inch  a  warrior. 

Some  of  the  passengers  were  walking  up  and  down  the 
platform,  among  them  being  a  man  from  Boston  accom- 
panied by  his  19-year-old  daughter,  who  was  a  most 
enthusiastic  observer  of  the  country  they  were  passing 
through  and  the  people  whom  they  met. 

Hawkeye  soon  took  her  notice,  and  after  scanning  him 
critically,  she  cried  out,  "Oh,  see,  papa,  the  noble  redman 
of  the  woods.  How  grand  he  does  look !  What  nobility 
is  expressed  in  his  countenance  and  what  grandeur  there 
is  in  his  mein.  What  a  life  of  adventure  has  been  his 
and  how,  if  he  could  but  talk,  how  he  could  tell  us  of  the 
enemies  he  slew  in  battle  and  how  he  chased  the  grizzly 
bear  to  his  den  and  the  panther  to  his  lair." 

The  Indian  was  taking  in  all  this  flowery  oratory,  and 
expectorating  a  huge  mouthful  of  tobacco  juice,  he  ejacu- 
lated, "Ugh,  if  white  squaw  give  Hawkeye  four  bits, 
Hawkeye  will  sing  'Everybody's  Doing  It.' " 


75 


"THE  GENTLEMAN  OF  HAVRE" 

THE  little  city  of  Bodie,  California,  was  known 
during  its  ephemeral  existence  as  being  one  of 
the  most  lawless  and  riotous  places  in  the  coun- 
try; but  James  J.  Hill,  erstwhile  president  of  the  Great 
Northern  Railroad  is  alleged  to  have  declared  that  the 
town  of  Havre,  Montana,  on  his  line  of  road,  was  the 
toughest,  wildest  and  the  least  law-abiding  place  in  the 
whole  country  and  there  was  not  a  person  in  the  town 
who  was  possessed  of  any  higher  ambition  than  to  carouse 
and  indulge  in  all  kinds  of  forbidden  vice. 

It  was  to  this  place  that  Eddie  F.  Wach,  then  17  years 
old,  was  sent  to  fill  the  position  of  night  operator  for  the 
Great  Northern  road. 

Eddie  had  been  messenger  in  the  Chicago  ofHce  and 
had  readily  acquired  a  practical  knowledge  of  the  business 
and  it  was  a  great  day  in  his  existence  when  he  secured 
the  position  as  night  operator  at  Havre. 

The  boy's  introduction  to  this  delectable  office  was  not 
such  an  one  as  to  enthuse  a  good  young  man. 

Beer  bottles,  whiskey  bottles,  cigarette  and  cigar 
butts,  stale  tobacco  smoke  and  other  equally  demoralizing 
objects  met  young  Wach's  attention  on  his  arrival  at  the 
Havre  office,  and  he  was  besought  on  all  sides  to  "join  the 
club."  The  young  man's  refusal  to  partake  of  any  of  these 
alleged  "refreshments"  startled  all  and  he  became  a  target 
for  all  the  jibes  and  jeers  of  the  depot  habitues  and  the 
rounders  about  the  little  city. 

Young  Wach  took  all  this  unpleasant  demonstration  in 
a  kindly  and  good  humored  manner,  never  saying  or  do- 
ing anything  to  antagonize  the  men  around  him.  He 
selected  a  respectable  and  quiet  boarding  place  where  he 


77 


78  OTHER  SKETCHES 


would  retire  when  off  duty.  When  pay  day  arrived  he 
would  figure  out  his  monthly  expenses,  sending  all  the 
money  left  over  to  his  parents  in  Chicago.  By  his  unob- 
trusive kindness,  and  genial  disposition,  he  found  favor 
in  the  eyes  of  the  men  of  whom  it  had  been  so  frequently 
said  that  there  was  no  good  in  them. 

Promotion  came  to  young  Wach  and  a  few  months 
later  he  was  appointed  manager  of  the  office.  A  new 
spirit  was  soon  made  manifest  in  the  Havre  office  and  all 
the  evidences  of  riotousness  speedily  disappeared  and  the 
room  assumed  a  businesslike  air. 

For  more  than  three  years  Eddie  Wach  continued  at 
this  post  of  duty  elevating  his  fellow  men  by  his  example, 
never  yielding  to  temptation  which  at  times  fairly  shrieked 
with  disappointment  in  not  being  able  to  make  him  a 
convert  to  the  "Havre  Club"  principles.  Every  month  the 
major  part  of  his  salary  would  be  sent  to  Chicago  and 
the  young  man  would  spend  his  spare  moments  in  study. 

A  few  days  before  he  was  to  leave  Havre,  young  Wach 
received  a  call  from  Mr.  Broadwater,  one  of  the  most 
influential  citizens  of  the  town  and  the  state.  Mr.  Broad- 
water,  although  known  to  Wach  in  a  business  way,  had 
never  spoken  to  him  till  this  day. 

"I  want  to  tell  you,"  began  Mr.  Broadwater,  "that  I 
have  been  watching  you  for  the  past  three  years  and  I 
have  never  seen  you  do  anything  unbecoming  a  gentle- 
man and  I  have  seen  you  sorely  tried.  I  don't  know  of 
anyone  else  like  you  in  our  city  and  I  want  to  tell  you  that 
I  consider  you  the  only  gentleman  in  Havre.  In  leaving 
us  I  want  you  to  bear  away  with  you  that  distinction  to- 
gether with  our  best  wishes." 

Thus  it  was  that  E.  F.  Wach  won  the  hearts  and  respect 
of  the  citizens  of  that  little  frontier  town  and  now  as  he 
looks  back  from  his  present  official  position  in  Chicago  he 
occasionally  thinks  of  the  time  when  he  was  called  "The 
Gentleman  of  Havre." 


QN  THE  WING 

THE  late  Col.  M.  D.  Grain  was  a  man  of  decided 
personality  and  made  warm  and  lasting  friends. 
His  practical  jokes  and  queer  sayings  will  be 
related  as  long  as  there  is  an  old  timer  alive  to  tell  the 
story. 

The  Colonel  was  a  stickler  for  technicalities  and  was 
ready  to  immolate  himself  to  his  own  theories. 

He  was  in  early  days  manager  of  the  Bloomington, 
111.,  office.  He  was  also  operator  and  messenger. 

Operator  Crain  would  occasionally  want  to  draw  some 
money  and  he  wanted  to  do  it  in  the  right  way.  So 
Operator  Crain  would  write  a  note  as  follows  to  Manager 
Crain : 

M.  D.  Crain,  Manager. 

I  need  $20  very  badly  today;  may  I  draw  the  same? 
Signed,  M.  D.  Crain,  Operator. 

Then  Manager  Crain  would  reply : 
To  M.  D.  Crain,  Operator. 

Yes,  Mark,  you  certainly  can  draw  $20,  as  you  de- 
serve it.  Signed,  M.  D.  Crain,  Manager. 

After  this  formula  had  been  gone  through  and  prop- 
erly signed  and  filed,  the  Colonel  would  draw  the  money, 

but  not  before. 

*       *       *       * 

In  the  70's  there  was  an  operator  named  Robert  C. 
Hayes,  who  worked  in  Cincinnati,  St.  Louis,  Chicago  and 
Omaha.  "Bob,"  as  he  was  called,  was  a  great  operator 
and  was  in  demand  in  emergency  cases  and  it  was  no 
wonder  that  Charles  Selden  selected  him  as  one  of  those 
to  assist  during  the  national  convention  held  in  Cincinnati 
in  1876. 

79 


80  OTHER  SKETCHES 


The  convention  had  been  in  progress  for  several  days 
and  everybody  was  tired  and  worn  out  with  expectancy. 

One  afternoon  Hayes,  Tom  Dudley  and  Bob  Irwin 
were  allowed  30  minutes  for  luncheon.  Upon  their  return, 
the  doors  of  the  convention  hall  opened  and  a  mass  of 
excited  men  rushed  out,  yelling,  "Hayes!"  "Hayes!" 
"Hayes !"  "Bob"  Hayes  immediately  left  his  comrades 
and  flew  down  the  street. 

"What's  the  matter?"  cried  Tom  Dudley  after  the  flee- 
ing man. 

"Oh,  hush !  hush !"  cried  back  the  fleeting  Hayes,  "don't 
you  hear  my  creditors  yelling  after  me." 

It  seems  the  convention  had  just  nominated  Rutherford 
B.  Hayes  for  the  presidency  and  that  alone  was  the  cause 
of  the  tumult. 

Robt.  C.  Hayes  now  holds  a  prominent  position  with 
the  Burlington  road  in  Omaha  and  his  friends  still  tell 
this  story  on  him. 

*       *       *       * 

George  Lawton,  affectionately  known  to  the  telegraph 
fraternity  as  "Old  Farmer"  Lawton,  is  a  familiar  figure 
in  the  Denver  office  where  he  holds  the  position  of  assist- 
ant manager. 

"Farmer"  Lawton  has  worked  in  Denver,  lo,  these 
many  years.  He  loves  to  reminisce  and  his  stories 
are  good. 

Back  in  the  70's  the  "Farmer"  used  to  copy  press  from 
"Nip"  Jones,  at  Cheyenne,  for  the  Denver  papers.  "Nip" 
was  a  fast  but  erratic  sender,  his  speed  varying  according 
to  his  mood. 

"Farmer"  Lawton  had  been  "breaking"  a  good  deal 
one  night,  when  Jones  petulantly  remarked :  "I  say, 
'Farmer,'  how  is  it  that  some  nights  you  take  me  all  right 
and  other  nights  you  break  every  little  while  ?" 


ON  THE  WING  81 


"Farmer"  Lawton's  artless  reply  was,  "Why,  don't 
you  see,  'Nip/  you  send  faster  some  nights  than  you  do 
others." 

*       *       *       * 

When  Mr.  A.  B.  Cowan  was  chief  operator  of  the 
Chicago  office  he  found  himself,  on  an  occasion,  needing 
some  help  in  the  printer's  room  and  he  engaged  a  young 
Jewess,  named  Henrietta,  to  work  as  automatic  operator. 
The  newcomer  proved  to  be  very  trustworthy,  full  of 
snap,  energetic  and  intelligent. 

Noticing  her  excellent  work  and  needing  still  more 
help,  Mr.  Cowan  asked  the  young  Jewess  if  she  knew  of 
any  more  girls  of  her  race  that  would  like  to  go  to  work. 

"Oh,  yes,"  replied  Henrietta,  "I  know  many,"  and  in  a 
few  days  there  was  quite  a  sprinkling  of  young  women  of 
the  Semitic  race  in  the  office. 

Passing  into  the  elevator  one  day  Mr.  Cowan  over- 
heard a  couple  of  Jewesses  in  close  conversation. 

"How  is  it,"  asked  one,  "that  so  many  of  our  kind  of 
people  get  jobs  here?" 

"Ah,  don't  you  know?"  was  the  reply.  "Well,  I'll  tell 
you.  Don't  you  know  A.  B.  Cohen  (Cowan),  chief 
operator  ?" 


HE  KNEW  A  GOOD.THING 

SOME  years  ago  a  fine  looking-,  elderly  gentleman 
could  be  seen  hob-nobbing  with  such  old  timers 
on  Front  Street  as  Wm.  Wadhams,  Sylvester  Far- 
rell,  Thomas  Guinean  and  others  of  that  generation,  and 
he  was  always  attentively  listened  to.  There  was  so  much 
of  benevolence  and  philanthropy  in  his  countenance  that 
one  involuntarily  took  a  second  look  at  him. 

His  name  was  Jim  Winters,  and  he  lived  on  a  little 
farm  down  the  river,  where  he  did  a  little  cultivation  of 
the  soil,  but  spent  much  of  his  time  acting  as  a  fire 
warden,  protecting  the  forests  from  careless  hunters. 

One  day  Winters  appeared  in  Portland  and  announced 
that  he  was  going  to  quit  the  country  and  would  make 
California  his  future  home,  and  much  regret  was  ex- 
pressed by  his  friends  over  his  decision. 

Jim  Winters  went  to  California,  locating  in  the  Sacra- 
mento Valley,  near  the  little  town  of  Vacaville,  where  he 
bought  a  small  piece  of  land,  and  proceeded  to  put  it  in 
a  state  of  cultivation. 

Although  practically  a  farmer  on  a  small  scale,  Jim 
Winters  went  about  doing  all  the  good  he  could,  alleviat- 
ing suffering  and  want  as  much  as  laid  in  his  power.  He 
was  present  at  the  sick  bedside  of  friend  or  stranger,  and 
Chinaman,  Japanese  or  negro  were,  alike,  his  brothers, 
and  would  receive  his  care,  if  sick  or  in  distress. 

He  did  not  have  much  to  go  on,  but  what  he  possessed 
was  freely  given,  and  Winters  made  many  friends  in  that 
little  community. 

There  was  a  Bible  in  the  Winter's  cabin  and  some  curi- 
ous friend,  in  looking  it  over,  discovered  that  Jim's 
birthday  was  the  10th  of  September,  and  it  was  deemed 
that  the  proper  thing  to  do  to  celebrate  such  an  event 

83 


84  OTHER  SKETCHES 


would  be  to  supply  his  larder  and  other  wants  by  dona- 
tions from  among  the  friends  he  had  made  in  the  valley. 

Everybody  seemed  to  have  an  offering  to  make  and 
varied  were  the  presents  tendered. 

There  was  a  smoking  jacket  from  Mrs.  Jones  whose 
husband  he  had  nursed  during  his  last  illness  without 
compensation,  there  was  a  pair  of  slippers  from  Mrs. 
Smith,  as  a  recognition  of  services  rendered  her  father,  a 
box  of  cigars  from  Wing  Fat,  a  Chinaman  to  whom  Win- 
ters had  been  kind,  tea  and  coffee  from  Harra  Alodsta, 
the  young  Japanese  who  had  been  nursed  through  the 
smallpox,  and  many  others  who  came  with  presents  until 
the  little  cabin  was  full  to  running  over. 

The  company  gathered  to  pay  their  respects,  and  as 
each  package  was  open  for  inspection,  some  merriment 
was  caused  by  the  curious  presents  which  sometimes  were 
offered.  For  instance,  James  Ladd  tendered  a  present 
of  a  Boston  bull  pup,  Mrs.  Thompson  gave  a  present  of 
two  small  kittens,  but  it  was  not  till  a  modest  looking 
package  offered  by  George  Stroud  was  received  that 
everybody  was  agog  with  expectancy. 

The  package  was  wrapped  up  in  true  express  style,  in- 
dicating the  donor  was  an  adept  in  the  art  of  proper 
wrapping. 

"What's  in  it?"  was  asked  on  all  sides  and  many  con- 
jectures were  made. 

"Looks  like  a  package  of  music,"  said  one. 

"It  might  be  a  new  Bible,  for  it  is  paper  and  weighs 
heavy,"  ejaculated  another,  but  all  were  disappointed. 

When  the  package  was  opened  a  lot  of  old  papers 
tumbled  out,  in  a  more  or  less  state  of  dissolution,  some 
whole  and  some  quite  dilapidated. 

Everybody  laughed,  but  seemed  to  regard  the  joke  as  a 
little  untimely. 


HE  KNEW  A  GOOD  THING 85 

"Hold  on  here,  my  friends,"  cried  Winters,  "this  is  no 
joke.  I  say  this  is  not  a  joke.  Why,  my  friends,  these 
here  papers  are  Oregonians,  and  I  have  not  seen  a  copy 
of  the  Oregonian  for  nigh  onto  15  years.  Yes,  my  friends, 
I  appreciate  all  your  presents,  but  these  Oregonians  are 
more  precious  than  anything  else." 

It  therefore  was  apparent  that  Jim  Winters  showed 
where  his  heart  was,  for  "Where  your  treasure  is,  there 
will  your  heart  be  also." 


INADEQUATE  CUSPIDORS 

THE  Chicago  office  of  the  Western  Union  Tele- 
graph Company  (in  1877)  had  been  noted  for 
the  manliness  of  its  employes,  who  realized 
that  they  were  men  and  women,  and  for  this  reason 
entitled  to  the  consideration  of  the  local  as  well  as  the 
general  officials. 

It  became  necessary,  sometimes,  to  have  this  fact  im- 
pressed on  the  minds  of  those  immediately  in  charge,  who 
relegated  to  themselves  authority  not  vested  in  them. 

It  was  considered  the  wise  thing  to  hire  a  hall,  and 
there  to  meet  once  a  week  to  discuss  the  situation,  and  to 
determine  upon  the  most  businesslike  manner  of  proce- 
dure to  meet  the  exigencies  of  any  case  in  hand. 

Platt's  hall,  on  the  south  side,  was  selected  for  this 
purpose,  and  every  Sunday,  a  meeting  was  held,  to  dis- 
cuss the  complaints  and  grievances  of  the  employes  as- 
sembled. 

Wm.  J.  Lloyd  was  the  presiding  officer  on  these  occa- 
sions, and  he  was  a  glorious  worker  in  the  cause. 

Much  good  resulted  from  this  "getting  together"  and  it 
was  found  to  be  a  simple  matter  to  adjust  the  grievances, 
once  they  were  uncovered  and  aired. 

There  was  present  at  one  of  these  meetings,  B.  E. 
Sunny,  who  was  night  manager  for  the  Atlantic  &  Pacific 
Telegraph  Company.  This  company  never  had  any  trouble 
with  their  employes,  and  if  one  were  disposed  to  do  half- 
way right,  he  would  not  be  censured  or  reprimanded  by 
his  superiors,  and  the  office  was  very  pleasant  to  work  in. 

"I  notice  we  have  Mr.  Sunny,  of  the  A.  &  P.  with  us 
today,"  remarked  President  Lloyd.  "We  would  like  to  hear 
from  him,  and  if  he  has  any  grievance  against  his  com- 


88  OTHER  SKETCHES 


pany,  we  would  like  to  have  him  state  the  nature  of  it 
and  we  promise  to  try  and  adjust  the  difficulty." 

Mr.  Sunny  protested  that  he  came  to  attend  the  meet- 
ing merely  as  an  on-looker,  and  knew  of  nothing  that  he 
could  enter  a  complaint  against. 

The  president  demurred  at  this  statement,  saying  he 
could  not  conceive  of  such  an  earthly  paradise  as  a  tele- 
graph office  where  all  were  satisfied  and  where  there  were 
no  grievances. 

"Well,  come  to  think  of  it,  there  is  a  grievance  we  have 
that  should  be  remedied,"  said  Sunny.  "I  have  spoken  to 
the  manager  and  superintendent,  but  with  no  avail,  and 
the  evil  still  continues.  Our  cuspidors  in  use  at  our  office 
are  not  much  larger  than  a  tea  cup  and  wholly  inadequate 
to  take  care  of  the  expectorations  of  a  liberal  user  of  the 
weed,  and  I  have  asked  for  larger  utensils  to  accommo- 
date these  copious  expectorations,  but  no  relief  has  as  yet 
come  and  I  think  it  will  require  executive  action  to  force 
the  issue." 

"The  matter  is  referred  to  the  Grievance  Committee 
with  request  that  it  be  adjusted  at  once,"  said  President 
Lloyd,  and  the  meeting  was  adjourned. 

It  is  related  that  more  elaborate  cuspidors  graced  the 
Atlantic  &  Pacific  operating  room  a  few  days  later,  indi- 
cating the  efficacy  of  determined  organization. 


NO  JOBS,  BUT  VACANCIES 

THE  following  story  has  been  told  and  re-told 
years  ago,  in  most  every  large  telegraph  office 
in  the  country,  but  has  never  appeared  in  print. 
The  incident  is  quaint  and  worthy  of  a  place  in  the  litera- 
ture of  the  telegraph. 

Jake  Tallman  was  a  well  known  itinerant  knight  of  the 
key  and  in  the  course  of  his  meanderings  found  himself 
one  summer  day  in  the  City  of  New  Orleans.  Tallman 
was  a  fine  operator  and  a  good,  companionable  fellow, 
but,  as  the  boys  used  to  say,  it  was  as  hard  to  enter  the 
kingdom  of  heaven  as  it  was  to  obtain  a  position  in  the 
New  Orleans  office.  Considerable  diplomacy  was  there- 
fore necessary  to  ascertain  the  entering  wedge. 

There  happened  to  be  a  vacancy  in  the  office  about  the 
time  of  Tallman's  arrival  and  his  old  friend,  Dick  Babbitt, 
determined  to  assist  in  placing  him. 

David  Flannery  was  the  superintendent  and  he  was  a 
"Fine  old  Irish  gintleman,  one  of  the  rare  old  kind." 

Babbitt  related  to  his  friend  that  it  would  be  a  good 
stunt  to  go  to  church  the  following  Sunday  and  take  a  seat 
in  Mr.  Flannery's  pew  and  by  some  means  attract  that 
gentleman's  attention  to  his  presence.  This  would  serve 
to  pave  the  way  to  an  introduction  the  following  day  when 
he  could  plead  his  cause. 

Acting  on  the  suggestion,  Tallman  sallied  to  church  a 
little  ahead  of  the  other  worshippers,  and  asked  for,  and 
was  escorted  to  the  Flannery  pew. 

A  few  minutes  later  the  superintendent  came  leisurely 
up  the  aisle  and  took  his  seat  along  side  of  his  expectant 
employe. 

Tallman  was  not  familiar  with  the  order  of  procedure 
in  churches,  but  carefully  watching  others  and  following 

89 


90  OTHER  SKETCHES 


their  example  he  was  able  to  pass  off  as  one  of  the  most 
devout.  In  the  course  of  the  services,  he  handed  Mr. 
Flannery  a  book,  who  glanced  at  it  and  put  it  aside,  giv- 
ing the  irrepressible  Jake  a  stony  glare  which  would  seem 
to  say  that  the  young  man  did  not  know  his  business,  and 
Tallman  felt  rebuked  but  not  intimidated. 

The  following  morning  Tallman  called  at  Mr.  Flan- 
nery's  office  and  after  the  regular  morning  salutations  had 
passed  between  them,  he  said : 

"Mr.  Flannery,  I  saw  you  at  church  yesterday." 

"Oh,  you  are  the  young  man  that  sat  in  my  pew  and 
tried  to  show  me  some  courtesies,"  replied  the  affable 
superintendent. 

Believing  that  he  had  created  a  good  impression  Tall- 
man grew  bolder,  and  said  that  he  believed  in  going  to 
church  on  Sunday  and  related  an  imaginary  conversation 
in  Omaha  several  years  before.  Flannery  appeared  inter- 
ested and  finally  asked  what  service  he  could  be  to  his 
visitor. 

"Well,  I  tell  you,  Mr.  Flannery,  I  am  an  operator  and 
I  am  looking  for  a  job  and  I  understand  you  have  a  job 
here  at  the  present  time." 

Mr.  Flannery  placed  his  spectacles  on  the  end  of  his 
nose  and  giving  the  applicant  a  very  severe  look,  which 
was  intended  as  a  reprimand,  ejaculated  in  an  icy  tone : 

"Young  man,  I  want  yees  to  know,  that  my  operators 
are  all  gintlemen.  We  don't  have  'jobs'  here,  but  we 
sometimes  have  vacancies." 


PHENOMENAL  TELEGRAPHING 

IT  WAS  in  the  Nation's  centennial  year  that  the 
writer  was  employed  by  the  Western  Union  Com- 
pany, at  St.  Louis,  and  worked,  what  was  called  in 
those  days,  the  "Long  Horn"  wire  to  Texas. 

The  hours  of  labor  were  from  5  P.  M.  till  lines  were 
cleared  up,  generally  before  midnight,  and  all  bent  their 
best  efforts  in  keeping  business  moving. 

An  adjournment  to  Sprague  &  Butler's  rotisserie  after 
the  evening's  work  was  performed,  where  a  substantial 
spread  was  in  readiness,  was  next  in  order,  and  here  it 
was  that  "shop  talk"  was  indulged  in  and  a  good  time  was 
sure  to  follow. 

Fred  B.  Moxon  was  the  pride  of  the  office.  He  was 
still  in  his  teens,  but  a  master  of  his  chosen  profession.  He 
worked  the  New  Orleans  wire,  opposite  the  renowned 
Bert  Ayres,  the  finest  operator  in  the  world,  and  the 
amount  of  business  handled  on  that  wire  was  marvel- 
ously  great.  Ayres  and  Moxon  would  get  down  to  their 
work  as  if  they  had  not  a  second  to  spare,  but  the  effort 
was  easy  for  them  and  neither  suffered  from  nervous 
prostration. 

One  night  there  happened  to  be  unusually  heavy  busi- 
ness on  the  New  Orleans  wire,  but  just  at  11 :55  P.  M., 
Moxon  sent  his  last  message,  remarking,  "I'm  off  now, 
good  night." 

"Wait  a  second,"  said  Ayres,  "our  N.  Y.  wire  is 
down  and  we  have  about  100  messages  to  go  there  and 
you'll  have  to  relay  'em." 

Visions  of  a  deferred  lunch  and  a  weary  walk  to  his 
room  on  Targee  Street,  all  alone,  flitted  across  Mox's 
mind,  but  he  had  lots  of  friends,  who  were  ready  to  help 
out  with  their  services. 

91 


92  OTHER  SKETCHES 


"I've  got  a  scheme,"  cried  Moxon,  and  the  services  of 
Sid  Fairchild  were  secured. 

"I'd  like  to  have  you  cut  the  N.  O.  wire  in  on  four  dif- 
ferent local  setts/'  which  was  speedily  done. 

Moxon  secured  the  aid  of  Charlie  Day,  Thomas  P. 
Wheeler  and  the  writer,  who  took  their  respective  seats 
at  the  quartette  table. 

"I  say,  Bert,  tell  me  just  how  many  you  have  on  hand/* 
asked  the  St.  Louis  man. 

"There  are  precisely  120,  and  they  are  all  night  mes- 
sages, all  from  New  Orleans  and  all  are  destined  for 
New  York." 

"All  right,  you  need  not  say  'night  message/  omit  the 
place  from,  date,  all  punctuations,  'sig'  and  cut  'em  to  the 
bone,"  came  from  St.  Louis,  "and  mind  you,  hurry  up," 
taunted  Moxon. 

This  was  probably  the  first  time  in  his  life  that  Albert 
Ayres  was  requested  to  "hurry  up,"  he  being  used  to  hear 
the  opposite,  "to  slow  up/'  and  his  black  eyes  snapped  in 
anticipation  of  the  fun  he  was  about  to  have. 

His  key  flew  open  and  a  fire  of  dots  and  dashes  ensued, 
which  to  a  layman  might  sound  like  shot  poured  into  a 
tin  horn. 

The  reputation  of  the  whole  office  seemed  to  be  at 
stake,  and  all  gathered  around  to  see,  what  was  rightly 
thought  would  be  an  unparalleled  feat  of  rapid  trans- 
mission. 

Moxon  took  the  first  message,  Day  the  second,  Wheeler 
the  third,  while  the  writer  handled  the  fourth,  each  ro- 
tating in  this  manner,  filing  in  dates,  destinations,  etc., 
awaiting  his  turn  to  copy  the  next  message. 

The  excitement  was  intense  when  it  was  announced 
that  12  messages  had  been  received  in  five  minutes. 

There  were  no  breaks,  or  interruptions,  and  at  12:55 
A.  M.,  precisely  55  minutes  from  the  starting  time,  the 


PHEMONAL  TELEGRAPHING  93 

120  messages  were  received  and  were  en  route  to  New 
York,  accomplishing,  probably,  the  most  unequalled  feat 
of  fast  sending  ever  attempted. 

The  matter  was  kept  an  office  secret  and  Moxon  re- 
ceived much  credit.  It  never  leaked  out  how  his  tact 
secured  ready  co-operation  and  enabled  him  to  cope  with 
a  difficult  situation. 


HIS  OLD  KENTUCKY  HOME 

WHILE  traveling  recently  through  the  South, 
the  writer  was  marooned  for  several  hours 
near  Horse  Cave,  in  Kentucky.  The  Cumber- 
land River  was  very  high,  swamping  the  darkies'  cabins 
en  route,  compelling  the  colored  people  to  take  refuge  on 
their  roofs,  where  they  waited  "fo'  de  ribber  to  go  down." 

The  negroes  accepted  the  situation  very  cheerfully, 
many  playing  their  banjoes  and  singing  olden  time  melo- 
dies and  making  light  of  their  predicament. 

Almost  involuntarily,  I  began  humming  "My  Old  Ken- 
tucky Home"  and  my  thoughts  were  of  the  "yellow  fields 
o'  corn,"  when  a  voice  behind  me  inquired,  "Do  you  like 
that  song?"  I  assured  him  that  the  tune  was  all  right, 
but  the  words  were  a  trifle  silly. 

"Well,  I  don't  think  so,"  he  remarked,  "the  words  and 
air  are  both  very  sweet  to  me,  and  if  you'll  make  room  for 
me,  I'll  tell  you  how  that  song  compelled  me  to  make  a 
trip  of  2,000  miles." 

Space  was  given  him  and  he  began  his  narrative. 

"It  was  five  years  ago  that  I  was  induced  to  go  west  by 
the  alluring  advertisements  of  the  railroad  company,  who 
related  how  easy  it  was  to  speedily  get  rich  in  Colorado. 

"I  started  with  my  outfit  and  a  couple  of  weeks  later 
located  at  Cripple  Creek,  then  a  prosperous  mining  camp. 

"Well,  stranger,  I  didn't  like  it  there  in  the  mountains,  I 
couldn't  get  used  to  the  country  and  the  people,  and  the 
climate  was  so  different  from  'Old  Kaintuck.'  Why,  it 
was  just  as  liable  to  snow  on  the  4th  of  July  as  it  was  on 
the  1st  of  January. 

"It  was  very  lonesome  for  me  and  I  longed  to  be  home 
again  with  my  dear  old  friends,  and  I  determined  to  re- 

95 


96  OTHER  SKETCHES 


main  at  home  if  I  ever  got  back.  You  have  no  idea  what 
homesickness  is  until  you  have  had  the  actual  experience. 

"About  11  o'clock  one  night,  I  was  passing  a  saloon 
near  my  home  when  I  heard  a  phonograph  playing  'Ken- 
tucky Home/ 

"I  entered  the  place  and  asked  the  bartender  to  change 
a  silver  dollar  into  nickels,  which  he  did. 

"I  sat  down  by  the  phonograph  and  played  that  piece 
over  and  over  and  over  again,  till  my  nickels  were  gone, 
then  I  changed  another  dollar  which  went  the  same  way. 

"I  was,  by  this  time,  completely  saturated  with  'My  Old 
Kentucky  Home"  and  the  longing  to  return  came  so 
strong  that  I  straightway  went  to  my  hotel,  packed  my 
trunk,  paid  my  bill,  purchased  a  ticket  for  Louisville  and 
took  the  4  A.  M.  train  for  Denver,  from  whence  I  de- 
parted for  home  and  here's  where  I'm  going  to  live  and 
die,  in  spite  of  all  inducements  to  show  me  some  more 
favored  clime. 

"Yes,  I  love  'Kaintuck'  and  I  love  that  old  song  you 
hum,"  and  the  stranger  was  singing  his  favorite  air  when 
the  train  pulled  into  Horse  Cave. 


THE  OFFICE  AT  SPIRIT  LAKE 


MR.   HUGH   McPHEE,  the   superintendent  of 
the   Western   Union   Telegraph   Company   at 
Los  Angeles,  CaL,  was  night  operator  at  Spirit 
Lake  on  the  trans-continental  line  in  his  early  boyhood 
days.     Every  operator  that  worked  for  the  trans-conti- 
nental line  knows  Spirit  Lake  because  each  one  of  them 
served  an  apprenticeship  at  that  station. 

The  O'Shaughnessys  kept  a  boarding  house  at  Spirit 
Lake,  the  only  house  at  this  dismal  place,  but  because 
young  McPhee  insisted  upon  wearing  a  "boiled"  shirt 
and  white  collar,  he  found  himself  debarred  from  putting 
his  feet  under  the  O'Shaughnessy  table.  The  young  man, 
however,  was  full  of  resources  and  determined  to  do  his 
own  cooking  and  sleep  in  the  office. 

The  first  station  east  of  Spirit  Lake  was  then  called 
Hades  and  the  station  west  was  named  Satan.  McPhee 
would  get  his  milk  and  eggs  from  Hades  and  his  staple 
groceries  and  meats  from  Satan.  The  names  of  these 
stations  have  long  since  been  changed  to  something  more 
euphonious. 

The  fact  that  there  was  an  operator  in  Spirit  Lake 
office  at  night  induced  the  belated  trainmen  to  call  upon 
him  repeatedly  for  orders  helping  them  over  the  road 
and  presently  McPhee  found  he  was  working  as  much 
at  night  as  he  was  during  the  day.  An  appeal  to  the  super- 
intendent was  made  and  a  few  days  later  the  train  stopped 
at  Spirit  Lake  and  a  tall  young  man,  very  dudishly 
dressed,  stepped  into  the  office. 

"My  name  is  Archibald  Merriman  and  I  am  to  be  night 
operator  at  this  station,"  began  the  young  man.  "Where 
can  I  find  a  boarding  house  ?" 

97 


98  OTHER  SKETCHES 


Young  McPhee  told  him  that  he  would  have  to  take 
"pot  luck,"  that  there  was  no  hotel  or  boarding  house, 
but  that  he  could  share  his  commissary. 

This  did  not  seem  to  greatly  enthuse  Merriman,  who 
stated  that  he  did  not  know  how  to  cook  or  make  a  bed. 
He  was  from  Nova  Scotia  and  he  thought  that  if  he  could 
go  back  there  he  would  never  return. 

He  worked  for  five  nights  and  one  morning  he  was 
missing  and  nothing  was  ever  heard  of  him  afterwards. 

An  old  Indian  called  "Big  Thunder,"  but  better  known 
as  "Medicine  John,"  was  a  frequent  visitor  to  this  lonely 
depot  and  he  suggested  that  the  "Evil  Spirits"  in  the  lake 
might  have  kidnapped  the  night  operator  and  thrown 
him  into  the  lake,  and  inasmuch  as  no  claim  was  ever 
made  for  the  five  days'  work  performed  by  Merriman, 
a  matter  so  very  unusual  to  the  telegraph  company,  one 
is  lead  to  believe  that  the  old  Indian  was  correct. 

Big  Thunder  had  purchased  from  Merriman  a  big 
brass  watch  and  chain,  which  he  carried  on  the  out- 
side of  his  coat.  The  Indian  had  also  fallen  heir  to  Merri- 
man's  plug  hat  which  is  still  historical  in  Spirit  Lake. 
When  Big  Thunder  was  asked  the  time,  he  would  gravely 
open  the  watch,  gaze  for  a  minute  at  the  hands  and  give 
out  the  information  "Just  half  an  hour."  Were  he  asked 
a  hundred  times  a  day,  he  would  never  deviate  from  his 
reply»  "Just  nal*  an  hour." 

Spirit  Lake  is  now  a  great  summer  resort.  The 
O'Shaughnessy  hovel  has  made  way  for  a  very  pre- 
tentious hotel,  "Big  Thunder"  no  longer  gives  out  the 
correct  time  to  enquirers  and  the  spirit  of  progress  is 
marching  on. 


THEfrlNDIANS  WERE  TOO  LOYAL 

THERE  are  but  few  oases  in  the  great  Arizona 
desert,  and  that  part  of  our  glorious  country 
offers  few  allurements  to  the  American  youth. 
Hence  it  was  a  surprise  to  the  friends  of  young  Clarence 
Vincent  when  he  took  his  departure  from  the  fleshpots  of 
San  Francisco  to  take  up  his  line  of  march  to  Maricopa 
Wells,  where  he  accepted  the  position  as  manager  for  the 
telegraph  company  at  that  point. 

Besides  the  white  inhabitants  of  Maricopa,  which  num- 
bered twelve  men  and  one  woman,  there  were  a  goodly 
number  of  Indians  who,  following  a  migratory  inclina- 
tion, made  the  Wells  a  starting,  as  well  as  a  finishing 
point,  in  their  junketings  on  box  cars  and  flat  cars 
throughout  the  territory  of  Arizona. 

These  native  sons  and  daughters  were  ardent  admirers 
of  the  telegraph  and  sometimes  of  the  operator  of  the 
telegraph,  and  male  and  female  would  cluster  around  the 
tiny  office,  watching  young  Clarence  as  he  sat  at  work  at 
his  key. 

Many  of  these  aboriginies  were  interesting  characters, 
and  as  the  weeks  glided  by,  Vincent  acquired  enough  of 
the  Indian  tongue  to  make  himself  intelligible  to  the 
pretty  maidens  of  the  cactus  territory.  These  shy  maid- 
ens were  not  unlike  their  white  sisters,  and  a  little  flattery 
was  gratifying  to  their  vanity,  and  when  Vincent  in  his 
Indian  monosyllabic  dialect  told  Miss  Mahala  that  her 
new  pink  blanket  was  very  becoming,  and  when  he  as- 
sured Mahala's  cousin,  Cahecha,  that  the  blue  ribbons  in 
her  hair  made  her  look  like  a  queen,  he  entirely  won  their 
hearts. 

During  the  two  years  and  more  that  Clarence  Vincent 
tarried  at  Maricopa  Wells,  he  made  the  acquaintance  of 

99 


100  OTHER  SKETCHES 


pretty  nearly  the  entire  Indian  tribe  in  that  section  and 
when  he  left  to  accept  the  managership  of  the  Phoenix 
office  he  was  given  a  genuine  Indian  farewell. 

A  year  or  so  later  Clarence  Vincent  had  become  one  of 
the  leading  citizens  in  Arizona's  metropolis ;  he  had  re- 
nounced the  frontier  garb  worn  by  the  denizens  of  the 
Wells,  and  donned  in  its  stead  a  faultless  tailor-made  suit, 
and  he  was  quite  a  Beau  Brummel  in  Phoenix  society, 
where  he  was  thought  the  "proper  caper"  by  the  young 
ladies. 

The  Indians  of  Maricopa  Wells  still  took  advantage  of 
the  indulgence  of  the  railroad  company  and  pursued  their 
migratory  practices.  One  day  Clarence  Vincent  started 
for  lunch  and  noticed  at  a  nearby  fruit  and  confectionery 
store  a  crowd  of  some  twenty-five  Indians,  mostly  squaws 
with  papooses  swung  over  their  backs  and  some  young 
Indian  maidens.  He  passed  them  by  without  giving  them 
any  attention,  but  not  so  the  Indians ;  they  had  recognized 
in  him  the  telegraph  operator  of  Maricopa  Wells,  and 
with  many  guttural  "Ugh,  Ugh,  Ugh's"  they  followed 
him  down  the  street  single  file  to  his  favorite  restaurant, 
where  they  stood  on  guard  on  the  outside,  varying  their 
watch  by  pressing  their  noses  to  the  window  panes  in  true 
Indian  style. 

Young  Vincent  was  greatly  chagrined  with  so  much  at- 
tention and  consideration  from  his  former  playmates  of 
the  oasis,  but  he  was  reluctant  to  introduce  these  simple 
children  to  the  select  society  in  which  he  moved,  and  he 
compromised  the  matter  by  buying  them  one  and  all,  a 
box  of  bon  bons  at  the  nearest  confectionery  store. 

This  incident  occurred  many  years  ago,  but  Mr.  Vin- 
cent, now  the  dignified  and  courteous  manager  of  the 
Western  Union  Telegraph  Company,  of  Oakland,  Cal., 
loves  to  linger  over  the  memory  of  the  happy  days  he 
spent  in  Arizona. 


A  GOVERNOR  FOR  FIFTEEN  MINUTES 
TOOK  THE  BULL  BY  THE  HORNS 

IT  WAS  ten  minutes  past  the  midnight  hour;  the 
last  train  for  the  night  had  pulled  out,  and  J.  Frank 
Ho  well,  the  night  operator  at  Tin  Cup,  Ariz.,  began 
preparations  for  a  little  rest. 

It  was  in  the  month  of  August,  and  the  full  harvest 
moon  beamed  down  through  the  clear  atmosphere  re- 
splendent and  as  bright  almost  as  the  midday  sun.  Glanc- 
ing out  towards  the  south  trail  Howell  could  see  a  horse- 
man coming  at  full  speed  towards  the  lonely  station.  A 
few  minutes  later  an  active,  fine  looking  man  hurried  in. 
"I  have  a  very  important  telegram  to  send  to  the  Gov- 
ernor. I  must  get  an  answer  in  half  an  hour  or  an  inno- 
cent man  perishes.  Come,  do  all  you  can  and  as  quickly 
as  you  can !" 

The  speaker  was  Lee  Henniger,  the  sheriff  of  Dos 
Cabezas.  He  had  ridden  forty  miles  since  nine  o'clock 
over  the  sandy  desert  to  Tin  Cup  hoping  to  obtain  a  re- 
prieve for  Bob  Beecher,  who  was  under  sentence  to  die 
at  daybreak  for  murder. 

A  few  hours  previous  a  dying  Mexican  had  confessed 
to  the  murder  of  which  Beecher  was  to  suffer.     Frank 
i  Howell  spent  five  minutes  in  vain  to  raise  "Px."     He 
'  knew  that  the  night  operator  there  was  taking  press  re- 
ports and  could  not  hear  him.    Being,  however,  full  of  re- 
sources he  called  up  the  St.  Louis  office  and  sent  the  fol- 
lowing message :    "Chief  operator,  San  Francisco :    Have 
!  Phoenix   answer   on   local   quickly,   a   man's   life   is   in 
jeopardy."    Signed,  "Howell,  Tin  Cup." 

It  was  with  great  joy  that  he  heard  an  answering  tick, 
|  tick  from  "Px"  a  few  minutes  later,  and  the  following 

101 


102  OTHER  SKETCHES 


telegram  was  put  on  the  wire:  "Governor  Smithers, 
Phoenix:  Information  just  elicited  that  proves  that 
Beecher  condemned  to  be  executed  at  daybreak  this  morn- 
ing is  innocent.  Please  wire  reprieve,  not  a  minute  can  be 
lost/'  Signed,  "Lee  Henniger,  sheriff." 

The  operator  at  "Px,"  Paul  G.  Tompkins,  realized  the 
importance  of  the  message  and  standing  San  Francisco  off 
for  a  few  minutes  hastened  to  deliver  the  telegram. 

Arriving  at  the  Governor's  house,  instead  of  finding 
the  mansion  dark  and  everybody  asleep  he  was  surprised 
to  observe  a  big  crowd  of  ladies  and  gentlemen  seated  on 
the  veranda,  while  strains  of  popular  music  from  the  ball 
room  filled  the  air.  Tompkins  quickly  asked  for  the  Gov- 
ernor on  important  business  and  he  noticed  that  there 
seemed  to  be  some  hesitancy  in  sending  for  him.  Pres- 
ently a  lady,  the  Governor's  wife,  came  to  the  door. 

"Won't  your  business  do  in  the  morning?"  was  asked. 
Tompkins  replied  in  the  negative  and  the  lady  withdrew, 
a  gentleman  appeared  to  represent  her.  "The  Governor 
has  retired,"  said  this  gentleman,  "and  cannot  be  dis- 
turbed until  morning." 

Tompkins  inquired  for  the  private  secretary  and  also 
for  the  Secretary  of  the  Territory  and  ascertained  that 
both  these  functionaries  were  out  of  town. 

"Can't  you  possibly  awaken  the  Governor?"  queried 
Tompkins. 

"No.  To  tell  you  the  truth  about  it,  the  Governor 
unfortunately  drank  a  little  too  much  wine  and  Warwick 
whiskey  and  he  is  dead  to  the  world ;  a  gatling  gun  would 
not  arouse  him,  and  he  is  absolutely  off  the  face  of  the 
earth  until  nine  o'clock  in  the  morning,"  was  the  informa- 
tion given  young  Tompkins. 

"Then  this  glorious  territory  is  at  present  without  a 
Governor,  private  secretary,  or  Secretary  of  the  Territory," 
ejaculated  Tompkins.  As  he  wended  his  way  back  to  the 


A  GOVERNOR  TOR  FIFTEEN  MINUTES  103 

office,  he  had  made  up  his  mind  what  to  do  and  proceeded 
to  carry  out  his  determination. 

He  called  up  Tin  Cup  and  sent  the  following  telegram : 
"To  Lee  Henniger,  sheriff  Dos  Cabezas:  The  reprieve 
is  granted  to  Robert  Beecher  for  ten  days.  Regular  pa- 
pers go  forward  in  the  morning  mail."  Signed,  "H.  Y. 
Smithers,  Governor,  per  Paul  G.  Tompkins,  acting  Gov- 
ernor pro  tern." 

Ten  o'clock  the  next  morning  Paul  Tompkins  appeared 
at  the  capitol,  telegram  in  hand,  which  he  handed  the 
Governor,  who  looked  a  wee  bit  groggy. 

"Good  Heavens!"  said  the  Governor.  "This  telegram 
should  have  been  delivered  ten  hours  ago,  why  was  it 
not  ?"  and  the  Governor  grew  very  much  excited. 

"For  the  reason,  Governor,  that  you  were  'under  the 
weather'  and  couldn't  be  wakened,  and  there  was  nobody 
in  the  city  to  attend  to  your  business,"  replied  the  placid 
Tompkins. 

"Then  the  poor  fellow  is  hanged  by  this  time,  and  I 
am  guilty  of  the  execution  of  an  innocent  man,"  and  the 
Governor  broke  down  completely. 

"That  would  have  been  true  had  it  not  been  that  I  took 
the  liberty  of  usurping  your  place  for  fifteen  minutes," 
and  Tompkins  showed  the  telegram  he  sent  in  reply. 

Governor  Smithers  was  overjoyed  with  Tompkins'  ac- 
tions and  thanked  him  again  and  again,  and  a  few  weeks 
later  he  further  showed  his  appreciation  by  appointing 
Paul  G.  Tompkins  to  a  lucrative  position  in  the  Territory. 

Sheriff  Henniger  arrived  in  Dos  Cabezas  in  the  nick  of 
time.  The  rope  was  already  around  Beecher's  neck  when 
one  of  the  deputies  who  was  standing  near,  spyglass  in 
hand,  recognized  his  chief  coming  down  the  trail  swing- 
ing aloft  a  paper  which  was  proved  to  be  the  first  and 
only  official  act  of  Paul  G.  Tompkins,  acting  Governor 
pro  tern. 


THE  SEVEN  MOUNDS 

MANY  solicitous  enquiries  have  been  made  in 
the  last  decade  relative  to  the  whereabouts  or 
probable  fate  of  Aaron  B.  Hilliker,  telegraph 
operator,  minstrel  and  story  writer. 

Aaron  Burr  Hilliker  was  known  from  New  York  to 
San  Francisco  prior  to  the  War  of  the  Rebellion.  His 
was  an  adventurous  nature,  and  he  assisted  materially  in 
making  the  path  to  the  great  West  easier  for  the  next 
comer.  He  possessed  a  gentle  spirit  and  many  lovable 
traits,  which  endeared  him  to  all  his  friends,  who  were 
legion.  The  following  weird  story  which  came  to  the 
knowledge  of  the  writer  may  establish  beyond  question 
the  passing  of  Aaron  B.  Hilliker,  and  his  last  days  on 
earth. 

A  party  of  thirteen  left  Boston  in  May,  1888,  bound 
for  the  West.  It  consisted  of  John  B.  Lansing,  his  wife 
and  her  sister,  and  eight  young  fellows  around  town, 
well  to  do  and  of  an  adventurous  turn  of  mind,  the  party 
being  under  the  guidance  of  two  middle-aged  prospectors. 
These  two  latter  personages  had  come  to  Boston  to  or- 
ganize this  party  for  the  purpose  of  prospecting  and  de- 
veloping some  alleged  wonderful  gold  mines  in  Southern 
Nevada  and  California. 

The  members  of  this  little  party  were  in  high  spirits  as 
they  pursued  their  journey  to  the  far  West ;  the  grandeur 
of  the  scenery  and  the  vastness  of  the  country  filling  all 
with  awe  and  admiration. 

Many  stops  were  made  en  route  on  the  trip,  mostly  in 
Colorado,  Wyoming  and  Utah.  At  one  of  the  stations  in 
Colorado  Mr.  Lansing  and  his  wife  formed  the  acquaint- 
ance of  a  telegraph  operator.  He  had  passed  the  middle 

105 


106  OTHER  SKETCHES 


age,  but  was  hale  and  hearty.  He  appeared  to  be  thor- 
oughly conversant  with  the  country,  and  as  the  party 
numbered  the  unlucky  thirteen  the  operator  was  asked  to 
join  the  adventurers,  which  he  did.  It  is  said  that  his 
singing  "The  Old  Oaken  Bucket,"  which  was  rendered  in 
a  most  artistic  manner,  was  one  of  the  leading  attractions 
that  enabled  the  telegraph  operator  to  be  offered  a  place 
with  the  party. 

It  was  some  time  in  July,  1888,  that  a  caravan  com- 
posed of  seven  wagons  drawn  by  a  dozen  horses  and  a 
yoke  of  oxen  made  their  departure  from  Reno,  Nev., 
bound  south.  No  address  was  left  with  any  of  the  mer- 
chants who  fitted  out  the  party,  and  it  appeared  as  if  that 
were  to  be  a  secret.  There  were  two  ladies  in  the  party, 
properly  dressed  for  the  occasion.  The  ox  team  was 
driven  by  a  man  of  fifty-five  or  thereabouts,  who  seemed 
to  be  the  life  of  the  caravan.  He  was  continually  crack- 
ing jokes  upon  his  comrades,  and  just  before  leaving,  he 
with  three  other  good  voices,  sang,  "The  Old  Oaken 
Bucket,"  which  received  a  rousing  encoure. 

As  the  caravan  paid  cash  for  everything  they  obtained, 
the  episode  of  their  coming  and  going  passed  out  of  the 
minds  of  most  everyone  excepting  the  several  persons 
that  helped  to  outfit  the  party. 

The  caravan  went  due  south  through  Carson  and  Jack's 
Valley,  where  they  entered  the  sterile  country  once  known 
on  the  maps  as  the  "Great  American  Desert." 

It  was  in  June,  1907,  that  Eugene  Burdick,  mining  en- 
gineer, civil  engineer  and  prospector,  residing  in 
Tuolumne  County,  Cal.,  received  a  letter  from  Boston, 
which  read  as  follows: 

"I  am  seeking  information  regarding  a  party  that  left 
Boston  in  May,  1888,  bound  for  Southern  Nevada  and 
California.  I  am  willing  to  pay  $5,000  for  authentic  in- 
formation, which  will  enable  me  to  establish  beyond  any 


THE  SEVEN  MOUNDS 107 

doubt  the  fate  of  these  people.  There  were  thirteen  per- 
sons, two  women  and  eleven  men.  The  leader  of  the 
party  was  John  B.  Lansing,  and  it  is  of  his  fate  that  I 
desire  to  know,  because  a  large  estate  is  in  litigation.  The 
last  heard  from  Lansing,  was  from  Reno,  Nev.,  in  July, 
1888." 

Burdick  was  well  acquainted  with  all  the  country  lead- 
ing from  Reno  to  the  south,  and  readily  accepted  the  mis- 
sion. His  visit  to  Reno  elicited  the  facts  related  above, 
and  taking  up  the  clue  Burdick  began  his  laborious  task 
of  finding  the  lost  caravan.  Carefully  he  followed  them 
across  mountains  and  desert,  through  what  looked  like 
inaccessible  canyons,  but  not  one  item  of  intelligence 
could  he  learn  of  the  missing  ones. 

It  was  on  the  evening  of  the  seventh  day  after  leaving 
Reno  that  Eugene  Burdick  stopped  for  the  night  at  the 
wickiup  of  Shoshone  Joe  on  the  border  of  Death  Valley. 
This  Indian  had  lived  in  and  around  this  neighborhood 
with  his  wife  Sally  for  more  than  twenty-five  years,  and 
was  a  character  well  known  to  emigrants  and  prospectors. 

A  present  of  a  few  trinkets  to  the  Indian  made  him 
quite  friendly.  Burdick  enquired  if  they  had  ever  seen  a 
caravan  of  seven  wagons  passing  that  way  long  ago. 
Shoshone  Joe  with  many  "ughs,"  "ughs,"  picked  up  seven 
twigs,  which  he  placed  in  the  ground  in  a  straight  line  a 
few  inches  apart,  and  then  taking  a  stick  with  one  sweep 
knocked  them  all  down,  dramatically  exclaiming,  "All 
gone." 

Burdick  inferred  from  this  that  the  Indian  knew  some- 
thing which  might  assist  him  in  finding  the  lost  ones.  He 
gathered  that  the  Indian  had  seen  the  party,  and  had 
furnished  them  with  fresh  water  prior  to  their  crossing 
the  valley.  A  blinding  sand-storm  occurred  a  few  hours 
later,  and  the  caravan  lost  its  way,  going  south  of  the 
regular  trail.  Shoshone  Joe  said,  that  once  when  he  was 


108  OTHER  SKETCHES 


down  the  valley  he  could  see  seven  little  hills  at  a  distance 
of  ten  miles,  but  Indian-like,  he  was  afraid  of  the 
"Debbil,"  and  he  had  never  investigated. 

This  information  interested  Burdick  very  much,  and  by 
making  a  few  more  presents  he  induced  the  Indian  next 
morning  to  come  with  him  and  locate  the  seven  hills  he 
had  told  about. 

Taking  a  two  days'  supply  of  water  and  a  pick  and 
shovel,  Burdick  with  his  companion  started  across  the 
valley  in  the  direction  indicated  by  Shoshone  Joe.  The 
route  was  arduous,  the  sand  being  so  deep  and  fine  not 
more  than  a  mile  and  a  half  an  hour  could  be  traveled. 

Five  miles  of  this  wearisome  journey  had  been  tra- 
versed when  Burdick  located,  by  means  of  his  spyglass, 
the  seven  mounds  described  by  the  Indian,  at  a  distance 
of  probably  ten  miles  away  to  the  south,  and  this  added 
fresh  impetus  to  his  efforts. 

Six  hours  later  the  twain  arrived  at  the  seven  mounds. 
A  vigorous  blow  with  the  pick  axe  felled  a  mound  to  the 
earth,  and  two  skeletons  fell  out  into  the  deep  sand.  The 
relics  were  those  of  a  wagon  which  was  ready  to  crumble 
to  pieces,  the  tires  on  the  wheels  being  worn  as  fine  as 
ribbons.  This  wagon  had  been  drawn  by  an  ox  team,  the 
horns  and  bones  of  which  were  half  covered  with  the 
desert  sand. 

Twenty  feet  further  along  was  another  similar  mound. 
It  took  but  a  little  shake  to  bring  the  second  wagon  to  the 
ground,  and  two  more  skeletons  were  exposed  to  view. 
An  object  that  proved  to  be  a  gold  watch  and  chain  fell 
out  into  the  sand,  but  was  speedily  found  by  the  watchful 
Burdick.  He  pried  open  the  case  of  the  watch,  and  on 
the  inside  read  the  following  inscription :  "To  John  B. 
Lansing  from  his  wife,  Dec.  25,  1886." 

"This  is  all  the  proof  that  I  want,"  said  Burdick,  and 
bidding  good-bye  to  the  gruesome  spectacle  he  beat  a 


THE  SEVEN  MOUNDS 109 

hasty  retreat.  The  Boston  people  were  satisfied  with 
Burdick's  story,  and  the  evidence  that  he  produced,  and 
he  received  the  reward. 

The  shifting,  treacherous  sands  now  completely  cover 
the  seven  little  mounds,  and  all  that  is  mortal  of  Aaron 
Burr  Hilliker,  telegraph  operator,  philosopher,  bohemian, 
gentleman. 


WHEN  GOLD  GREW  ON  SAGE  BRUSH 

HE  IS  a  great  banker  and  broker  now,  and  directs 
the  finances  of  a  little  world  of  his  own,  but  as 
he  looks  out  from  his  luxurious  office  on  Broad- 
way on  the  ever-busy  throng  on  the  streets,  he  grows 
reminiscent,  and,  suddenly  scratching  his  nose,  breaks  out 
into  a  great  laugh. 

"You  noticed  me  just  now  scratching  my  nose,  didn't 
you?"  he  said,  and  he  laughed  again,  "and  you  can't  see 
anything  to  laugh  about,  but  I  remember  the  time  when 
it  would  have  cost  me  my  life  if  I  had  attempted  to  do  so. 
It  is  a  strange  story  and  well  worth  relating." 

The  speaker  was  J.  Frank  Howell,  the  noted  Broadway 
financier  and  his  companion  a  member  of  the  House  of 
Morgan. 

"It  occurred  in  1881,  when  I  was  out  in  Nevada,  and 
working  as  a  telegraph  operator  at  Beowawa,  a  little  sta- 
tion on  the  Central  Pacific  Railroad.  I  had  acquired  a 
complete  knowledge  of  the  Chinook  language,  had 
become  a  fair  student  of  Indian  poker,  could  eat  jack 
rabbits  like  an  Ogallala  and  considered  myself  quite  a 
sport  among  the  children  of  the  sage  brush  state. 

"A  few  weeks  of  this  kind  of  existence  fitted  me  for 
great  and  more  promising  fields  of  usefulness,  and  when 
the  gold  excitement  broke  out  at  Yankee  Blade,  125  miles 
down  the  line,  I  bade  goodbye  to  Johnson  Sides,  Nasty- 
shack  Jim  and  other  of  my  playmates,  and  started  on  the 
stage  for  Yankee  Blade  in  company  with  three  other  ad- 
venturous spirits. 

"I  will  never  be  able  to  explain  how  it  happened,  but  it 
must  have  been  that  the  outlaw,  Jim  Slack,  knew  that  I 
had  drawn  my  month's  salary  and  that  I  was  aboard  the 
stage  coach,  for  just  as  we  were  leaving  Dogtown,  we 

in 


112  OTHER  SKETCHES 


were  halted  by  a  lone  highwayman,  who  lost  no  time  in 
ordering  us  to  throw  up  our  hands,  forming  us  into  a  line 
in  the  rear  of  the  stage.  There  we  were,  the  four  pas- 
sengers and  'Stub/  the  driver,  all  with  arms  pointed 
skyward,  while  the  merry  Jim  Slack  rifled  our  pockets. 

"The  bandit  cracked  jokes  with  us,  saying  he  was  sorry 
he  had  to  do  it,  but  he  needed  the  'mon/  and  he  hoped 
that  he  wouldn't  overlook  any  small  change  we  might 
still  have  left  in  our  jeans. 

"At  this  moment  my  nose  began  to  itch,  but  I  knew  it 
was  sure  death  to  lower  my  hand  to  scratch  it,  and  what 
was  I  to  do,  for  I  could  hardly  stand  it  ?  I  addressed  the 
robber:  'I  say,  Mr.  Highwayman,  my  nose  itches  me 
pretty  badly,  won't  you  please  allow  me  to  lower  my  arm 
to  scratch  it  ?'  "  I  asked  in  a  most  plaintive  manner. 

'  'Never  mind,  I  will  do  that  little  job  for  you  myself/ 
was  his  reply,  and  taking  the  point  of  his  Colt's  revolver 
he  rubbed  my  nose  very  briskly  till  I  told  him  I  had 
enough,  and  thanked  him  for  his  courtesy,  and  the  pas- 
sengers and  'Stub/  the  driver,  laughed  merrily. 

I  never  knew,  till  I  had  it  done  with  the  business  end 
of  a  revolver  in  the  hands  of  a  stage  robber,  the  ex- 
quisite delight  of  the  privilege  of  scratching  one's  own 
nose." 


FINIS 


